Want to Really Grow? Be Prepared to Go Through These 4 Stages

Here’s what I’ve realized recently (again) – doing something new in your career is really hard.

And not always a ton of fun.

I know, it might sound fun; it might make for a good story later. But legitimately pushing yourself to do something new can feel like a battle with yourself.

You're insecure. You question yourself. Your imposter syndrome goes crazy. This has been my experience since I started promoting my book in September – even positive feedback didn’t make it go away.?

I wanted to give up, I wanted to throw in the towel. But then I found guidance in the most unusual place…?

The Bible. Well, a podcast about the Bible I accidentally stumbled upon (how’s that for modern living).

I know, I lost many of you now. I assure you, this isn’t a religious post; I’m not even a particularly religious person. Instead, when I stumbled across this podcast and heard the four stages people need to go through to successfully grow, it all rang true – boom, boom, boom, boom.

Hearing it gave me both validation and motivation. There was truth in the 2,000-year-old words – in both what I was feeling and what I needed to do.

The stages are:

1. The first stage – crisis.?

Generally, whenever you do something new, there’s a brief period of excitement. You’re doing it! Nothing better than that.

And then, after a short bout of euphoria, reality sinks in. And you freak out.?

Say, you quit your job to start your own business. The afternoon after you do it – this is awesome! Then, the next morning – so how am I going to make money, exactly??

Or what’ll happen is you think it’s far easier than it actually is. And, pretty quickly, you’ll suffer a pretty extreme rejection of some sort – and you’ll lose literally every shred of confidence you ever thought you had.?

Good news – this is normal! Everyone freaks out when they try something new, it’s crisis mode. And, at least in my experience, it doesn’t even really go away – you just get better at dealing at it.

The key is not living in this stage and getting on to the second. Many people stop here.

2. The second stage – commitment.?

This is the hardest and longest stage. Because you likely are still in crisis phase (you’ll feel that for a while) – but you make the big decision that you will commit to this. Despite the fear, you move forward.

The key here is to commit to something very tangible. Just saying “I’ll keep moving forward” isn’t enough. Instead, set specific goals you commit to hitting every day.

For example – you quit your job and you are starting your own business. Don’t just say you’re going to make the business grow. Instead, commit to something practical –?say, you will cold call 50 people a day, to see if they want your product.?

Then, commit fully to it. Don’t waiver if things go badly or you are terrible at it. Keep doing it every single day, day after day. If the task clearly isn’t working, it’s totally fair to change it, but give yourself a new goal to commit to – always be committed to something.

Over time, you’ll get better and better at whatever you’ve committed to, you’ll build discipline, and you’ll build momentum around whatever you are doing (it’ll likely become your identity, instead of just something you’re trying out).?

Want a hack? Another "c" – community. Try to join with other people going through the same thing or, at the minimum, people who are supportive. That helps here dramatically.

3.?The third stage – confession.

Over time, if you stay committed to your cause, you might start to see some success. Or you might see absolutely nothing but failure. But if you keep going, regardless of those two paths, you’ll hit a wall that feels completely overwhelming and nearly crushes you.

Congratulations – you’ve hit the third stage. The confession. This is the stage where you learn something about yourself as a person.

Maybe, the reason you are doing whatever you are doing isn’t as noble as you’d like it to be. Maybe, your skills aren’t as good as you think they are. Maybe, you aren’t treating people the way they ought to be treated.

This is because you are doing something new, and you are finding a new flaw within you. Finding that limitation is depressing, demoralizing, you’ll feel awful – but this is actually good!

Why??

Because, once you’ve fully identified this flaw, you can address it. And that’s really what growth is all about; it’s what life is all about and it’s the whole reason why it’s good to do new things in the first place.?

The key, though? Confessing it. Admitting you have that flaw.?

Often, just confessing it alone will make you feel roughly 10,000 pounds lighter. There’s still a lot of work to do – but you’ve just made a very big first step.

4. The fourth and final stage – conversion.?

Finally, we get to the good part?– conversion! Meaning, you changing and becoming a better person.?

Because you’ve endured the crisis, you’ve committed to specific activities, and you’ve confessed one of your flaws, you will begin to convert to a better version of yourself. If you stay committed to working through it and moving forward, you’ll grow.

And that’s awesome.?

Here’s the point – who you become is more important than what you achieve.

I personally have gone through this process in a major way at least four times and I’m literally going through it right now. Sometimes, it lasts a few months, other times, a few years; it could also happen much quicker than that.

Sometimes, I intentionally went through this process (changing my career from a construction worker to a journalist, I went through this). Other times, it happened to me (i.e. both times my engagements fell apart, neither of which was planned).

Here’s what I believe from all of it. These “conversions” we go through will indeed allow you to achieve quite a bit. They might lead to riches or fame or a great relationship or all three.

But, more important than what you get from them is what they do to you. They make you stronger, kinder, better. Unlike achievement, this is lasting, forever.

Struggling to find inner peace? I did for a long time – until finally, I spent 9 months focused on working through it. I wrote about it in the book, How I Found Peace: 14 Revelations That Cleared My Mind.