Want To Move Forwards? Then Stop Getting in Your Own Way.

Hello.

I’ve something to say. Something I’m passionate about.  But maybe not quite passionate enough to tell you about it. Until now.

This is my first article on Linkedin.  Until now I’ve been a lurker, a liker, a congrats-er.  I’ve even posted, once or twice, and managed a few comments underneath friends and colleagues.  But post an article? Who? Me? No way!

I’ve been a great admirer of authentic content – I love how amazing people can share their ideas, stories and inspirations.  In fact, you don’t have to be inspiring, authentic, or particularly creative.  You’ll have noticed social media is full of people saying what they want to say, rightly or wrongly.

So, what’s stopping me? Am I the only one? Somehow, somewhere inside held back from posting by a paralysis that leads to inertia.

Say hello to my inner critic.  An internal voice that comes with a huge amount of judgement. A voice that comes from fear, whispering doubt, preventing forward movement,.

So far in my coaching journey, I’m midway through my training with the Coaches Training Institute and Positive Intelligence.  Both faculties offer amazing in-debth insight for personal journeys of self-awareness to help learning, growth and development.  Positive Intelligence is clear on this inner voice; it’s called the Judge.  The Judge has three faces; it judges ourselves, it judges other people, and it judges situations.

The Judge is a saboteur voice inside us, originating from the survival regions of the brain - the brainstem and limbic system.  The voice was originally there to help us – in evolutionary terms a strong judge would help a human navigate many different circumstances.  For example if you’re in the jungle and you hear the rustle of leaves, better run like crazy before you’re attacked by a wild animal.  Here the judge is helpful, so you survive another day.  But in the modern world, the voice of the judge is a hinderance.  Now it causes anxiety, shame, disappointment, and finds fault with self and others.  If you have a strong judge, like me, you can’t hope to get out of your comfort zone without a great effort.

It turns out my judge has been lying to me, telling me I can’t write an article, predicting bad outcomes.  He cites so many reasons for inertia. Here’s a few of them: 

·      You could invite ridicule or hate, 

·      People might laugh at you,

·      No one will read it,  

·      Posting will create anxiety,

·      This is something other people do, not you,

·      You will regret it,

·      Leadership is undermined by vulnerability.

My judge can catastrophise all number of situations that predict gloom and instant destruction should I post this.  So, let’s be clear.  My judge is a liar. My judge is holding me back.  My judge is not my friend, because that’s not how friends treat each other.  The whisper in my ear that tells me I’m not good enough, to play it safe, to not take risks.  This voice is not serving me. And I don’t need to listen.

During my coaching I made myself a promise “I will not be stopped.  I will not get in my own way”.  In the end it takes courage to stand against this strong whispered voice.  Beyond courage - inner strength, authenticity, integrity, and a desire to be heard.  

So, how to defeat the Judge?  Especially the judge voice that tells you that he’s doing this for your own good, to keep you safe:  

·      Understand that your judge is not helping you grow. That to be your full potential you need to be in your full power.  You can’t do that if you’re held back by fear.

·      Then ask yourself what you want. That’s what you want to do – and who you want to be.  What’s stopping you? Does it align to your values and your goals?  Does it feel right?

·      Consider coaching.  A coaching conversation is an opportunity to talk about your aspirations with a trained listener, who can help you find the right solutions for you.  Together you can work with your coach to find ways forwards, working through or around the barriers you place in front of yourself.

·      Name your judge.  Listen to him or her, then let the thoughts go.  I’ve named my judge “Judge Judy” to create a sense of fun around him.  When Judge Judy talks I understand it’s just one of many perspectives.  And I understand that this is a saboteur voice, one that I don’t need to listen to.

·      Work on mental fitness.  Positive Intelligence is a great tool to help people find their way forwards, with the key message that it allows us to deal with all life’s circumstance with a positive rather than a negative mindset.  Faced with the positive opportunity to help people through coaching, my judge’s story becomes an opportunity to share, and help.

·      Tell someone your intentions.  This will create some momentum, and hold you accountable.  Once you’ve spoken your ambitions out loud, it’s real, created in the world. You can’t fail.

During my coach training, I stomped on my comfort zone.  Crushed it to the ground.  When I wasn’t looking, my judge re-built it – a fortress to keep me safe. But also a citadel to stop growth and development, stifle risk-taking and supress fun.  I’m a work in progress, but I know I’ll get there quicker by choosing to politely decline my judge’s words of woe.

So, I’m posting this.  This is for me.  And for anyone whose judge’s fear is stopping them speaking.  And my answers to Judge Judy’s worries are re-framed:

·      You could invite ridicule or hate becomes; this article might resonate for some people, and help them.

·      People might laugh at you becomes; great, there should be more laughter in the world.

·      No one will read it becomes; that’s fine, but at least I posted it.

·      Posting will create anxiety becomes; posting will create fun and excitement.

·      This is something other people do, not you becomes; look what I just did.

·      You will regret it becomes; I’m not going to choose regret.  I’m going with…joy!

·      Leadership is undermined by vulnerability. This is the biggest lie my judge told me.  Leadership is about courage, authenticity, empathy and humanity, it needs more vulnerability.

So, today my judge just got a little bit smaller, and weaker.  Yours can too.  Choose fierce courage, choose  centred authenticity, back yourself.  If you’d like to know how coaching conversations or Positive Intelligence can help you, please get in touch.

Meanwhile, let’s all look forwards to the next article I choose to post. Did I mention I’ve lots I’m passionate about?