Want more love? You need this.

Grief is love without a place to go anymore.

In an interview with Stephen Colbert, Andrew Garfield shared those profound words.

Because if you love deeply, you will be required to grieve.

And yet, many of us fear grief, loss, and hurt.

So we:

1. tamper our expectations,
2. run away from loving relationships
3. remain disconnected to avoid the hurt.

So while grief may not be a fun subject, it's something you need to prepare for in order to fully love.

Grief often results from 1 of 2?types of life events:

1. A loss (i.e., death, health, financial security, miscarriage,?etc)
2. A change (a child, empty nesting, marriage, moving, retirement, etc)

In this article, I’ll explain why you should address (and not avoid) grief.

Then,?I’ll share 5 ways you can prepare yourself today to navigate grief well in the future.

Wow! All of that in just 3 minutes. You bet.?

Let's dive in.

Most people approach grief in one of two ways.

They either:

1. Suppress and (eventually) regress, or
2. Address and (slowly) progress.

In our "Microwave" culture, most struggle with the slow progression of grief. Therefore, most people opt to suppress grief.

And frankly, I get that.

Grief is hard and tremendously slow.?

After all, grief is complicated. Grief leads to a flood of mixed emotions, such as:

• regret
• shame
• anger
• jealousy

To address grief, you must sort through those mixed emotions, as well as pain and suffering.

That takes time. That takes courage. ?

So, why should you actually address grief then?

Well, because while the courage to embrace grief may not fully?remove its pain, it will (over time) allow grief to lose some of its power over you.

Other cultures recognize the importance of creating space in the aftermath of grief.

For example, following a death, Judaism requires 4 steps for mourning:

1. An initial keriyah (tearing of clothes),
2. Seven days of shiva with direct family
3. Thirty days of?shloshim, and
4. In the case of a parent's death, an additional eleven months of?avelut

Grief, and its complexity, is deserving of this time and space.

And I know, the idea of being with grief is terrifyingly painful.?

But when we live in our grief authentically, grief has this almost mysterious power to deepen the meaning of our lives.

Grief allows us to cherish, appreciate and love more deeply.?

When you avoid your grief, you limit love.

If you choose to bypass grief, you bypass love.

I don't know about you, but I like experiencing love.?

And for that reason, I believe it's critical you?equip yourself now to address grief in an emotionally healthy way in the future.

Here are 5 actionable ways you can prepare yourself to build a healthy relationship with grief today: ?

1.?STOP apologizing when you cry

At a recent training, a pastor shared about his experience as a foster parent. He cried. He didn’t apologize.

Claire looked at me and said “it’s really beautiful when people don’t apologize for their tears. It’s so healthy.”

The next time you cry. Don’t apologize.

A critical aspect of healthy grief is to actualize or fully embrace the grief and loss. You bet that requires tears. ?

2.?Embrace "and" in your life

One of my best buds moved away this year.

It marked the end of a really beautiful chapter and marked a change in our friendship from near to long distance.

I felt a deep sadness. I cried.

I also felt an immense amount of gratitude for the time we had together.

Not just sadness. Not just gratitude. I felt both sadness and gratitude.?

Life’s more beautiful when you make space for the full emotional human experience.

And that starts with making room for multiple at once. ?

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3.?Process Your Emotions

You don’t "move on" from grief. You learn to move forward with grief.

Your amount and intensity of grief may change, but the core emotion of grief will still exist.

So, it’s critical you continue to process and share grief throughout your life.

And if you can’t talk about more straightforward emotions, like frustration, or surprise, or disappointment with someone, you likely won’t talk about complicated emotions, like?grief, with someone.

• Stop taming your emotions:?"It could be worse."
• Stop altering your emotions:?"It's not that bad, I'll be fine."
• Stop displacing your emotions:?AKA, get mad at your friend when you're really mad at your boss.

You do yourself zero favors long term when you try to resist, change, or cling to your emotions.

The only way out is through. ?

4. Choose clarity

Sometimes, people try to lessen the blow.? "It'll be okay." "She passed away." "It will get better."

Using true language can feel uncomfortable, but it forces you to address reality.?

"I'm hurting."

"She died and I miss her."

"I'm sometimes not sure I actually will get better."

I'll say it again: The only way out is through.

And since going through grief sucks, it deserves honest words.?

5. Sit with Others in their Grief

Grief and sadness are uncomfortable.

Often, people will attempt to tame or alter them. "It'll be ok." "Don't cry."

Instead, say less. Sit with them.

If they need space, let them know you're still near. Let them cry.?

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TLDR

• Grief is a complicated emotion
• Rather than suppress grief, you should address grief
• To prepare yourself now to address grief later:1. Do not apologize for crying2. Begin to acknowledge multiple emotions at once3. Process your emotions in real time4. Choose clarity5. Sit with others in their grief