Want more influence? Become more self-aware and here’s how.

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The setup: Sally has that doubtful puzzled look as she reads the names and characteristics of the greatest leaders of our time in an HBR article and is beginning to wonder if she's got what it takes to be a great leader. Joey tries to demystify how influence is created with a new idea that reaffirms her belief in herself as a leader. BTW Joey spills his coffee too :) ??

Sally is an uber-smart, highly curious, up and coming leader. Joey is Sally's mentor: an optimistic and witty leader who always has some wisdom to share.

Here's their conversation in 1 minute over a cup of hot coffee.

"You know. I was thinking that maybe I’m not cut out to be a leader. I mean take a look at Elon Musk, Donald Trump, and even Kanye West", Sally says pointing the headlines in WSJ. They’re all successful because they’re all so.... what's the word I am looking for?

Joey quickly chimes in and says -"self-absorbed?" Sally smiles and gives him a reluctant nod.

"Well, there might be some truth to that. I recently came across an article in Psychology Today that said, research shows that not only are narcissists likely to seek leadership positions, but they are also likely to be selected for them." Joey adds.

Sally keeps her coffee down and jumps in saying "Told ya! But, that's not me."

Joey continues, these leaders tend to be more charismatic, willing to take risks, and have more bold visions, but that doesn’t always make them better leaders.

Research actually shows that it’s self-awareness, not self-absorption, that’s key. 

Leaning in slightly with her ears peeled in the noisy coffee shop, Sally says: "Go on. I am listening..."

Joey continues, “that when we see ourselves clearly, we’re more confident and more creative. We also make better decisions, build stronger relationships and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we’re more-effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies."

But self-awareness comes in two types - internal and external.

Sally says "always a catch" and both start laughing...

Joey recognizing that this a deeper conversation, says "let me give a quick sentence on both so you get the idea per what Dr. Tasha said in an article."

Internal self-awareness represents how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, and impact on others.

This is associated with “higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness.”

External self-awareness means understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed above.

This is important for being empathetic and having strong relationships with employees.   

Sally: Is it possible to develop both types of self-awareness? You know. Just to kill two birds with one stone?

As always, Joey is excited to share one of his frameworks and spills the coffee. But he continues talking as he wipes the table in a slow and clear voice: "Here's the AWARE framework" and each step builds on the other.

• A - Acknowledge and categorize your feelings. No judgments.??
• W - Welcome feedback from those you trust. Be real.??
• A - Ask and pause before you jump to conclusions. Don't rush.?????♀?
• R - Recognize how your actions affect others. Be loving. ??
• E - Embrace curiosity. Like a child. ??

P.S. Want to dig deeper?

Joey: Did you know that you can increase your self-awareness with one simple fix? If you want to know what that is, then join the over 2 million people who have already watched this amazing TED Talk from Tasha Eurich.

Leaderpoint: The more self-aware you are, the greater your influence will be.

Question: How have you worked on becoming self-aware?

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