Want to Be a Great Boss? Stop Being so Polite!

I recently sat down with Kim Scott, a management and leadership expert who advises some of Silicon Valley's biggest tech firms, to discuss her new book Radical Candor. The book focuses on her distinct style of leadership coaching, which advises managers and bosses to be open, honest and direct in their feedback. In other words, to be radically candid.

I became a big fan of Scott’s when I discovered her work through my research at Radiate. Her advice was refreshing, and it gave me permission to be direct when I would otherwise hesitate out of politeness or fear.

Now I follow Scott’s advice in my own work life. For example, I was recently in a situation at work that required me to be radically candid with my teammates. I knew at the time that I wasn’t the most popular person in the room for doing so, but my ability to be honest in the situation put the focus back on the problem. After that, we were able to come up with a solution.

Being more open and honest sounds great—but how do you actually implement radical candor? Scott offered the following dos and don'ts.

Do...

• Rip the bandaid off. Most managers think that easing into a problem will take the sting out of the criticism. Wrong. State the problem right away. Don't couch it in flowery language. Tell the person what is wrong, but let them know you will help them fix it. Be up-front.
• Be affirmative. If you're going to deliver criticism, don't put question marks all over it. In other words, don't say things like, "I'm not sure" or "maybe it's the case." Don't question your own wisdom or judgment for bringing up the topic. The person receiving the feedback is going to wonder what your other motivations are if you don't have any conviction behind your criticism.
• Be engaged. Your job doesn't end when both of you walk out the room. It's your obligation to continue to work with the person on the critique you just gave. Follow up. Stay engaged. If your feedback failed, it's because you were the problem. You didn't live up to your promise. There's a huge responsibility that comes with delivering critical feedback. If you can't live up to it, you shouldn't be dishing it out.

Don't...

• Try to end on a high note. I've done this before, and I'm pretty sure people hated me after. You know what I'm talking about—giving people critical feedback and then telling them how great they are doing. It's dishonest, and it leaves the person confused, unfocused, and even madder at you than they would have been otherwise. When you’re giving critical feedback, you have one job—to deliver it in the most effective way possible.
• Be their best buddy. A lot of people find it difficult to give critical feedback because their teammates are also their friends. You get drinks together. Maybe you're even the kind of boss who's so cool you hang out and party with your team members. Okay, that's fine...to a point. As a boss, you have to understand there are certain boundaries. You can’t be everyone’s buddy, no matter how much you want to be. So temper the pleasure part of being a boss. The biggest value you can offer to your teammates is not friendship, but rather help in developing their careers.
• Wait until it's too late. People hate delivering bad news. They hate the idea of hurting other people's feelings. So they wait. And wait. And wait. If you spot something that needs to be corrected, do it now. Pronto. Don't let bad habits fester. Otherwise, by the time you deliver the feedback, it might be too late. Others may have noticed—and they may want to take radical steps, like firing the person. The takeaway? Stop being selfish and protecting your own feelings. Help your team member. Point out the mistakes early so they can save their job.

Want more radically candid advice? Learn how top CEOs handle tough conversations in this Radiate video:

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