Want to focus? Learn to say no!

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Want to focus? Learn to say NO! / 005: 22 Aug 2020

The image of Steve Jobs is seared into our collective memories, as a visionary innovator, as the founder of Apple Inc., and as someone who made 'think different' synonymous with 'cool'. To borrow from one of his famous quotes, focus is not about saying yes to one thing; focus is about saying no to a thousand things! He believed that it's necessary to avoid the distractions of many “good” ideas to focus on just one "great" idea. In Indian mythology, Arjuna (the warrior) was asked in archery school 'what do you see of the target'? All students were supposed to aim at the eye of a mock bird hung up in a tree. While his classmates said they could see the branches of the tree, or the leaves or the bird - Arjuna said he couldn’t see anything at all – except the eye of the bird! Of course he went on to hit the target. Our cricketing legend, Sunil Gavaskar also had tremendous powers of concentration while batting; such that on occasion he would realise he’d scored a century only when he heard the applause in the stadium! All these personalities had the tremendous ability to focus on their life's work, while saying no to all other distractions.

But is that actually possible for 'normal' people like you and me? Can we really focus on our core activity while saying no to other distractions at the workplace? When I think back, as a child, saying no and focusing on playing came naturally. I just said no if I didn’t like to do something. I didn’t worry about how others would feel. But saying no got more difficult as I grew older, and became stressful when I entered professional life.

When I began my career, I certainly wanted to be seen as smart, enthusiastic, and hard-working. I volunteered for different tasks and challenges. So naturally I ended up saying yes more often to people than not. There were other reasons too - worry about the consequences of saying no, a fear of missing out on something, the negative connotations of saying no. I therefore found it just so difficult to say no at the workplace. Over time, I realised the pitfalls of saying yes too often - I took on more than I could handle, the quality of my work suffered. I also felt that I was drifting away from my core activity. Today I know that saying no is a necessary skill - vital to focus and succeed in professional life. This article therefore looks at how to say no more often, but without negative consequences. I can personally say that saying no more often has actually helped my career by bringing better focus to my job, and helped keep distractions to the minimum.

While saying no still doesn’t come naturally to me, I learnt to say no gradually over the years. Surprisingly, I have realised that not only is it alright, but saying no is also expected of a competent professional. It earns you respect and the opportunity to express your point of view. By saying no, you hold on to your opinions and principles at all times. Saying no can be liberating and empowering, as compared to feeling helpless when you say yes when you actually wanted to say no. But how to say no is the million-dollar question, which I shall attempt to answer based on my own experiences:

1.      Let the data say no!

N.R. Narayana Murty of Infosys apparently had a dictum for his meetings – in god we trust, everyone else must bring data to the table! During arguments or discussions, rational and emotional arguments often become entangled. I have learnt to make my argument in such a way that my facts say no before I do – for e.g. rather than say “I think our after-sales service is bad”, I can say “60% of our customers say that we need to improve our after-sales service”

2.      Sandwich the no between yes-es!

I resist the temptation to start my reply with a no – I first agree before disagreeing. I start positive, end positive – with the disagreement stated in-between. For example, “I really loved the marketing presentation – but I believe that we need to focus on the product first. Let’s discuss marketing later”

3.      You don't say "you"!

Disagree with the viewpoint and not with the person. Rather than saying I do not agree with “you”, I have found that saying I do not agree with “that view” takes the sting out of the disagreement. It focuses the discussion on the topic rather than on the person, and maintains professional boundaries

 4.      Listen well - and play it back!

Active listening is very important – it demonstrates respect and value for others’ opinions and views. It helps in case there is a difference of views later. When I express differing views, I use paraphrasing. For example, “I really liked your statement about moving from customer orientation to customer experience – but isn’t that more relevant for the GUI design where the customer interface happens?”

5.      Be prepared to be proven wrong!

It happens more often that we like to believe. I have seen my assumptions being proven wrong so many times during discussions. So while I do stick to my convictions, I make sure that I am mentally prepared to be proven wrong – no one is right all the time! In other words, the art of “hearing” and “accepting” a no is as important as “saying” no

6.      Maintain professional respect at all times

While saying no to or disagreeing with someone, be diplomatic and maintain professional respect. A firm and polite "no" is always better than an angry or irritated "no". People remember how you said it more vividly than what you actually said. After all, interaction with colleagues is a continuous activity and you do want a warm professional atmosphere where ideas can be freely discussed and debated. In other words, prevent a meeting room from turning into an echo chamber where people say yes because they do not want to disagree with the boss

In summary, I recall what one of my early mentors told me – “Half the problems in your life are because you said yes, and the other half because you said no – but knowing when to say yes or no is the key learning in life! So, let’s be ready to say no as often as we say yes. This will liberate us and give us the time and space to focus on our core activity, that’s really important to us.

Warm regards, Krishnakumar.

Image Source : Google Images “Saying No” https://medium.com/@maa1/my-product-management-toolkit-20-the-art-of-saying-no-27cdda76d5de