Want to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence? Get Coached!

Jennifer was the Marketing Manager of a quickly growing tech company and the mother of two young daughters. She’d read several books about emotional intelligence (EI), and was certain EI would have a positive impact in her work as well as her life at home. Jennifer had even gotten an EI assessment and debrief through her company, which identified several competencies she could improve–emotional balance (or self-regulation), adaptability, and conflict management.

But Jennifer struggled to make these improvements. She understood the changes she needed to make on an intellectual level, all right. For example, if a new product were changed at the last minute, or her daughters began to fight, Jennifer knew that she needed to remain calm and maintain her emotional balance. Even so, what she knew in her head did not translate into what she actually did. She was stuck, getting frazzled and anxious in tense situations.

Many people understand the value of emotional intelligence, and may have even taken an EI assessment, but they don’t know how to improve.

Jennifer, like many of us, could have benefited from the guidance of an EI coach. But not just any kind of coaching helps with EI. It takes what Anders Ericsson, the Florida State University psychologist whose research on expertise spawned the 10,000-hour rule of thumb, calls “deliberate” or “smart” practice.

Rule Number One from Ericsson’s research: the simple number of hours you put in tells you nothing about your expertise–the “10,000 hour rule” is a fiction. If you practice a faulty golf stroke for that many hours, you just get better at a bad stroke. It’s the same with EI, if you practice an empathic response in a non-empathic way, you’ll end up poor at empathy no matter how many times you try it.

The key ingredient needed here: the trained eye of an expert coach. Ericsson finds that the secret to improving in any skill is practice in which a coach takes you through a well-designed training over a good length of time, and you give it your full focus. Your coach can help you see what you need to improve and how to do it–that is, what better way to try. That feedback loop, where the coach spots ways you can improve and helps you practice those better ways–leads to continual improvement, not just stagnation.

With this kind of “deliberate practice,” Ericsson says, most anyone can achieve higher and higher levels of proficiency. That’s why I’ve taken his research into account and created a personalized emotional intelligence development package for anyone who wants to upgrade their EI. This is an offering I’ve envisioned for years, and I’m pleased to make it a reality:

• You’ll begin your journey with a series of emotional intelligence assessments. These include the Emotional and Social Competence Inventory (ESCI)–a robust 360 assessment–as well as assessments that gauge what motivates you and how well you sustain your energy.
• Online courses go along with your coaching, and take you through in-depth learning experiences for each key element of EI.
• Journaling creates an archive of your thinking and mindset. This allows you and your coach to spot counterproductive habits and develop practical strategies to overcome any blocks to your success. 
• Along with the online courses and journaling, you’ll speak with your coach–typically via video call–every other week. Your coach will share their observations from your reflections and journals, including any patterns or blind spots they notice, in addition to reinforcing your strengths.

For a more in-depth look at each of these components, as well as insights from people who have developed their EI in this way, you can read a follow-up to this article here.

If you’re ready to make the leap, I encourage you to register to get coached. You can also meet the coaches here; they are all talented coaches-in-training who have completed six months of coursework in my Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification.

If you get coached through the 12 weeks of Foundational Skills, you will receive the designation of EI Specialist. And if you complete all 24 weeks of both the Foundational and additional Relationship Skills with coaching, you’ll become an EI Ambassador. These designations have accompanying badges that you can display on your resume, in your email signature, and on LinkedIn.