Want to be a better manager? Get comfortable thinking about your mistakes.

Why are we so afraid to be wrong?

Is it ego? Embarrassment? Shame? Guilt? Fear? Making mistakes generally makes us feel one or some combination of these feelings. Depending on the mistake, those feelings can be small and fleeting or completely overtake us and cloud our view of ourselves for days, months or even years.

Mistakes are in blatant defiance to our?main character syndrome . When main characters mess up, it’s always fixable. It’s a?whoopsie?moment that leads to clarity and, eventually, the protagonist (you) coming out on top in a big way. Your supporting characters (i.e. your coworkers) are there to build you up and only hold you accountable in the most positive, sometimes even passive ways.

This isn’t real life. There’s no accountability. No truly rational decision making. No real trust.

We want to be the stars of our lives when we should really be a member of?an ensemble performance . As a manager, you lead not just with words but also by example. Herein lies the paradox. You want to show your direct reports that you know what you’re doing; that you’re confident; and that you’re capable of the role. Unfortunately we attach much of this line of thinking to always being?right, that there’s no room for error. But to be a really good manager, you need to be comfortable confronting your mistakes. How do you do that?

Understand what happens in the moments leading up to and during the misstep

We don’t always know when we are missing the mark on small but important relationship-building behaviors. It’s difficult to really understand how our approach to various situations is truly impacting those around us, especially our direct reports. As a manager and leader, the actions that are most impactful are small but mighty. Eye contact. Tone of voice. Body language. Acknowledgement.

Examine how people react to you when you speak. What are the words you are using? What’s your body language? What are you thinking about? How are you feeling? Are you sitting or standing? Is there anything physically separating you from who you are speaking to? How did they respond to you? Did their demeanor change when you spoke to them or did it stay the same? Were they comfortable speaking with you or did they seem timid? Were there any shifts in their body language? Did their eye contact drastically change?

Knowing the impact of you communication is a key indication in how your interactions with others lands. So to know when you’ve made a misstep, you first need to know what to look for. Being mindful of what others experience during their positive interactions with you clues you into what happens when they have negative interactions with you. When this is clear, you have a much better understanding of not only how to have a positive, productive conversation but also where exactly those conversations take a turn.

If you need some extra help breaking down these moments, accountability partners can be your eyes where you quite literally can not see. Ask a few coworkers that you respect at varying career levels - someone senior to you, someone at your level and a direct report - to give you feedback after meetings, stand-ups or any other situation where your behaviors are on display. The more you know, the more you can change for the better.

Make examining those moments a habit

Making a decision to do something differently isn’t a singular action. It is a series of choices you must aim for every day in order to see real change. This requires patience, and patience must be a?practice. It’s a muscle that is built with consistent, targeted work over time. This is the same approach you should take when examining your mistakes.

Mistakes aren’t inherently bad things. They’re missteps, yes, but they are rarely catastrophic. Think about the last few mistakes you made at work. What was the worst outcome? Most likely, nothing terrible happened. You didn’t get black balled from your industry or chewed out in front of the entire company. You probably didn’t get fired or even demoted. You were embarrassed and felt bad about the choice you made. If the mistake was minor, so were the ramifications.

These smaller, inconsequential mistakes are the ideal moment to look inward. Small slip ups lead to larger, more serious errors. So taking a hard look your minor gaffes can help you avoid the bigger, costlier mistakes in the future. You should do this with every mistake you make. What was going on leading up to the mistake? Were you distracted? Upset or frustrated? Feeling overly confident? Was someone speaking with you? Was the task designated a low priority?

Learning what behaviors and scenarios lead to your lesser snafus - and course correcting as you figure them out - will help you combat the weightier, more impactful blunders than can cause real damage. Examining your mistakes and making those audits a part of your daily routine will make you a better manager, an informed leader and a committed teammate.

Sharon Steed is a keynote speaker and the founder of Communilogue , a corporate empathy consultancy. She is the author of Communicating with Empathy . She speaks and facilitates workshops on empathy at work, empowering vulnerabilities in the office and improving team communication.