Want to be a Better Listener? Use These 5 Phrases

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"How many of us want to be better at listening? Better listeners for our peers, employees, and family members?"

I posed this question to my inspiring audience at a Leadership Communication virtual workshop I facilitated last month. Almost immediately, everyone raised their hands. These are all successful, inspiring leaders. Handling big and large and important matters for their teams and organizations. And yet, when it came to the simple, yet profound task of listening well, they confessed that they struggled. They shared with me their roadblocks to good listening.

"I think I have become too impatient."

"I end up interrupting with my ideas or questions."

"I think I already know what they are going to say it, so I better say it for them."

"I find it difficult to stay present when the speaker goes on and on."

"Why bother then? If it is so difficult? Why do we want to get better at "the art of listening"? I asked them with a smile. They replied.

"Because it will make me a better communicator."

"Connect me better to my team and inspire them. Help them feel that their concerns are important to me."

"Listening helps me build trust and navigate crucial conversations."

All correct answers. Won't you agree?

So, today, I want to share a few of my favourite phrases which I have learnt over the years in my coaching practice. The phrases that make me a better listener. The phrases that help me connect with the person speaking to me. The phrases that tells them I am present, I am here in the now, and what they have to say to me, matters.

1. "Thank you for sharing that..."

Putting ourselves and our thoughts out takes courage and faith. So, as a listener, I appreciate their courage and their trust.

When my daughter comes and shares with me, she made a mistake, I thank her.

When my son comes and shares with me, the latest rhyme he sang in class, I thank him.

When another family member or friend shares one of their concerns with me, I thank them.

When my colleague or client shares with me what is bothering them or what has made them overjoyed, I thank them.

The first golden rule of listening - thank the speaker for their trust in you.

2. "Tell Me More... / Please elaborate"

I use this phrase when I want to encourage the other person to dive in a little deeper in their message. This phrase creates the feeling that I am interested in hearing what they have to say, alleviating any initial fears or hesitation in sharing.

3. "Let me see if I am clear...." / "Am I correct to understand that you mean..."

Paraphrasing and sharing my interpretation of what they said, allows the speaker to clarify and add or edit what they want to share.

Sometimes, when the speaker is rambling and gets carried away with their chain of thoughts, using this question brings them back to the essence of their message.

4. "What I like about your idea / the thought you said is.... "

Repeating what you liked from what they said, shows the other person that you are truly listening. It is also a great way to share your own thoughts, while still supporting the one who is speaking to you.

5. "Can I interrupt? / Can I ask a question?"

I get it. We all pressed for time and energy. Not everyone we meet is concise and well-articulated. Long, wordy conversations are not productive. So, as a listener, you want to interrupt, get to the bottom-line and get going. Right?

No worries. Do that, by all means. However, let's do it in a way that shows empathy and respect for the speaker.

We don't need to barge in the conversation, at the first instant they take a breath. Nor we have to feel stuck while politely nodding and wait for them to finish.

Try this the next time. Make eye contact, make a gesture (like a lifting your palm or pen), and ask, "Can I interrupt? Or Can I offer my perspective? Or ask a question?"

The speaker will thank you for it.

To conclude, I want to remind us all that listening well is one of the best gifts we can give to people around us. In the world striving for attention and fleeting from present, let's take a moment to slow down and be fully present with what the other person has to say.

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Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading and listening to what I have to say.

Now, over to you! Do you want to be a better listener?

What steps are you committed to take? What are your challenges? And how do you remind yourself to listen better in a conversation?

I would love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Onwards and Upwards,

Nidhi

p.s. Want to work with a Leadership and Executive Coach to be your growth partner and mentor in your current and next stage of life and career?

One, who can listen to you and steer you to the right questions and answers?

Drop me a DM or email at [email protected]