Want to become an authority in your career? Here are lessons young children can teach us, adults

Have you ever wanted to grow your influence and authority, but felt like you weren’t natural at it?

If so, you aren’t alone.

Before I talk more about that, I wanted to let you know a little secret about me. I studied developmental psychology. Which is a fancy way of saying that I’ve studied children and how their brains develop.

Learning about children’s brains helped me understand adults better. It also helped me see why speaking and influencing triggers some people more than others.

The problem with building influence is, many leaders don't understand how the trauma they faced growing up, shows up for them as adults.

Every one of us was born with unlimited potential.?

When you hang out with kids, you’d notice that what they lack in experience, they make up for with natural talent and tenacity.?

Doesn’t matter if you’re a parent or not.

You know that (for most part) children know how to get what they want.

That’s what I wanted to talk about today.

As adults, there’s a lot we can (and often do) teach the kids today. But where’s the fun in that??

Let’s learn something from them today.

1. They are persistent

One thing that children are great at is being persistent. When they want something, they don't give up easily. They will either ask for the same thing repeatedly, or try different tactics. But they will do everything in their power to get what they want.

The problem with us adults is that we have gone through several cycles of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is a state that occurs after a person has experienced a stressful situation repeatedly.

So you can imagine

- If you spoke up in school and were teased/reprimanded for it repeatedly, you may not want to do it again

- If your parents told you off for doing/saying something repeatedly, you may not want to do it again

During our advanced programs, when I am training teams on how to craft persuasive stories, we dive into this in detail. Because addressing it speeds up one’s ability to influence.

We need to reconnect to our inner kid, so that we know that we must be persistent in the way we follow up with key stakeholders.

Nor should we be afraid to try different approaches to persuade our stakeholders. And if we lack the ability, we need to learn how to do it.

2. They focus on the benefits

Another thing that children do well is that they focus on the benefits. When they want something, they don't talk about the technical details. They talk about how it will benefit them.

For example, a child may not ask for a new toy because it has a certain number of accessories, or because it's made of a certain material. They ask for it based on one value alone – they will have fun playing with it!

As leaders, we can use this approach to influence. We must influence by showing our stakeholders how this will make their lives easier or better.

3. They are great at building connection

Children are also great at building rapport. And the most important weapon in their arsenal is their curiosity.?

They are naturally curious and ask lots of questions.?

This helps them build a connection with others.

So it’s natural.?

If someone you like, or have a connection with - asks you to do something, you are more likely to say yes. That's why leaders who build rapport with their key stakeholders, make an effort to understand their needs better.?

They are effective persuaders.

They build trust and establish authority…

And get those yeses when it matters.?

4. They are Fearless

Finally, children are not afraid to ask for what they want. They don't worry about being rejected or sounding too pushy. They simply state their case and ask for what they want.

A lot of us have forgotten this because we start to associate a lot with being rejected.?

Research shows that fear of rejection is closely linked to a person's sense of self-worth. Many people have a strong need for approval and validation. That's why they fear being rejected, and avoid situations where rejection seems to be the likely outcome.

To be an authority, we need to learn how to reprogram some unspoken narratives, and avoid what is holding us back.

That’s why I conduct the Sales Story Labs to help leaders understand their unspoken narratives, and become more persuasive.

If you’d like, let’s hop on a quick phone call to see if developing your persuasive skills is something you (or your team) need to work on.

Just book a time to chat that works for you with my digital secretary.

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Source: "Personality and Social Psychology Review". The title of the study is "Social Rejection and the Need for Control: Implications for Social Cognition and Behavior". The study was conducted by Leary, M. R., Twenge, J. M., & Quinlivan, E. (2006).