If Walls Could Talk

I froze, standing there with my arm cautiously outstretched and fingers ready to pull off a piece of wallpaper. The rest of the tourists were already in the other room and I was left to make a moral decision. 

Throughout my teenage years, I was given the privilege and opportunity to visit various countries both alone and with my family. On most trips, I would grow resentful and carry hidden anger. I wouldn't know why until later in my adult years and after sitting with a handful of therapists.

Whenever I would visit a historic or ancient site I would find something small, something menial, and I would make it mine. It was a destructive pattern aimed at trying to create worth and meaning - to fill a void. I won't share with you what these items were in this article.

On this particular day, I was walking through a house in Amsterdam. It wasn't just any ordinary house. It was a house turned into a museum. It was the home of Corrie Ten Boom.

That day I was more fascinated with how clean the streets of Amsterdam appeared than I was learning about Corrie Ten Boom. Cornelia Arnolda Johanna "Corrie" Ten Boom was a Dutch watchmaker and Christian who, along with her father and other family members, helped many Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust during World War II by hiding them in her closet. She is quoted to say things like:

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength."

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer."

A truly courageous woman who risked everything to give to others. And here I was risking character and integrity to take something for myself. I stood there looking at myself from outside of myself and thought of how foolish I must have looked.  As I stared at the wall with the half torn piece of wallpaper I thought:

"If these walls could talk what would they say about me?"

I'll let you fill in that response. At that point, I was standing there for so long that the group was almost done with the entire tour. I couldn't handle the internal struggle, the conflict that was pulling me away from the selfish decision. The inner dialogue continued. "What would these walls say about Corrie? Was she truly the woman described throughout this museum?" Then it hit me, the question that really drove things home.

"What would my own walls at home say about me?"

We are the most honest and the most vulnerable in our own homes. We yell and argue and make love. We read and watch television, we gossip and create and destroy. We are our most transparent selves in the comforts of our own homes. I peered around the room, realizing how alone I was with my thoughts; noticing the stillness of the air and the eerie hole left in her wall many years ago. Like a moment stuck in time.

She died in California four years before I was born. I had never met nor known of the woman. Yet somehow her story had left an impression on me. There is a theory out there that suggests energy is stored in all things, memories are imprinted onto surfaces, mountains, walls. That when very meaningful things happen in this world, they are hard to erase.

I quickly walked toward the exit noticing my lack of timeliness. I pushed through the exit doors and saw my father there. He wore an irritated look and spoke with a very stern voice. He pointed out how I had missed the majority of the tour and that I had continued to disrespect the opportunities that I am granted. 

Thinking back, I agree with him. I wish it didn't take me that long to come to terms with my morality. I wish I had learned as much as I could about this wonderful lady and listened to the tour guide. However, I'm fairly convinced that if walls could talk, they would've guided me to the same decision.

I didn't leave Amsterdam that evening with a piece of Corrie Ten Boom's wallpaper.

Instead, I left with something much more profound. I left with a punch to my ego, a lesson on humility, and an appreciation for artifacts preserved for us to gaze upon. Have you ever been placed at the crossroads of morality and selfishness? I would love to hear your story and what helps in making your ultimate decisions?

Geries Shaheen is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Nationally Certified Counselor operating in and around St. Louis Missouri. Geries teaches psych classes as a professor at Saint Louis Christian College and offers Adolescent/ Family Therapy through Preferred Family Healthcare. Geries holds his MA in Professional Counseling from Lindenwood University, BA in Intercultural Studies from Lincoln Christian University, and holds a certificate in Life Coaching, Geries provides life coaching services to clients online globally.