Wallowing is Not a Good Life Plan

My brother, sister, and I grew up in 4-H and FFA. We lived in New Cuyama, CA - a small mountain valley nestled between Ojai and Taft. Every summer, our big outing was taking our sheep, steers, rabbits, chickens, and hogs to the Santa Maria County Fair.

For a couple years of that time we lived on a ranch, about ten miles outside of town.

Along with our horses and other animals, we had Ma Chow, a 200 pound sow pig.

I decided to turn a patch of our property into a garden and spent many hours clearing the land, adding top soil, digging rows, and planting corn, carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, watermelon.

It was so gratifying to see the seeds sprout and peek out of the ground as green shoots.

One weekend, I spent almost all day pulling out the weeds, pruning off dead leaves, and watering everything down, looking forward to harvesting in a few weeks.

That was not to be. Ma Chow had other plans.

When we drove up our driveway from school on Monday, she had taken the opportunity to break out of her pen and was wallowing in my carefully cultivated - now ruined - garden.

You've heard the saying, "Happy as a pig in mud?"

That was Ma Chow.

Me? Not so much.

I started wailing, "All my work down the drain."

My dad, ever the stoic, said, "Crying won't undo it. The question is, 'What are you going to do about it?"

He was right.

When something happens we don't like, we can complain about it, rant and rave about it - or we can get busy doing something about it.

This is actually my new definition of AGEncy?.

You may know I've working on a book about that topic for the past few months.

My definition of it up until now is that AGEncy? is the "opportunity, ability, and responsibility to IMPROVE what happens to us, by us, and around us."

That's still true, it's just that no one could remember it.

And as a communication strategist, I know that if people can't remember it, they won't do it.

So, I needed a new, shorter, more relatable definition.

"What am I going to do about it?" fits the bill.

Because what have I learned after months of interviewing people, hearing their stories, and doing a deep dive into this topic?

There is the world and what happens.

We don't get the project, contract, or job we want.

Our partner asks for a divorce, out of the blue.

We are diagnosed with a terminal illness.

We are lonely.

The question is, "What are we going to do about it?"

There is what we want and don't want.

We want to take better care of our health.

We want more money.

We don't want to work in a job where we're not appreciated or respected.

We don't want to worry about our kids or elderly parents.

We want a more exciting, fulfilling life.

The question is, "What are we doing to do about it?"

Wallowing doesn't help.

Ranting and raving doesn't help.

Getting discouraged or depressed doesn't help.

Giving up, throwing our hands up, doesn't help.

I've come to believe that "What am I going to do about it?" is life's most important question.

What has happened - what is happening - may be undeserved, unfair, out-of-our-control.

What we want - or don't want - may seem impossible or feel scary, far-far-away.

It still comes down to "What am I going to do about it?"

Asking and then acting on this question is the quintessence of AGEncy?

It is the root of our self-respect, the deterrent to regret, and the ultimate determinant of our self-regard.

So, how about you?

Has life dealt you a blow - and you're tempted to wallow?

You could do that - or you could ask yourself, "What am I going to do about it?"

Which will help? Which is more likely to change things - for the better?