Walking into the Wave

Looking out the airplane window, the blue shades of the Caribbean were soothing.?I couldn’t wait to get out to the beach.?I needed to feel the warmth of the sun and some sand under my feet.?Complete honesty here – I didn’t just want a break, I needed it.?It had been a great year, but it was time to step back and recharge.

It didn’t take long to get to the hotel and change out of my Midwest winter wear and into some sunny weather beach wear. ?For me, this is such a welcome mind shift, almost a sloughing of the layers of stress from challenges of work and everyday life. It felt good to be light. To top it off, I locked my phone in the room safe and smiled at the click.?It felt good not to be tethered.?

I wondered what I might miss.?I wondered if it really mattered.

As I walked to the beach, I noticed that there were people from many nations, ages, and races.?Funny though that people find their tribes no matter any of that – beach goers (that’s me), sports players, pool people, lobby nappers and the busy must-do-all-scheduled-events including aquacise folks.?

I found a good spot and rolled out the towel feeling a world away from Indiana.?I slathered the sunblock and leaned back in the lounge chair.?Big exhale. I knew I needed this, but there had been so much stress around the prep to leave for a week. ?There’s the temptation to check email and the worry I’d miss something important.?Then the crushing realization of all that I’d have to do when I returned to work.?Next came the complete awareness that there is more to life than work.?Finally, the consideration, as my husband handed me an ice-cold John Daly, that I might never go back to Indiana as I beheld that beautiful white sand and undulating turquoise shades of sea.?

I learned to swim in a pool at the YMCA.??It was a chlorinated experience, but a safe delineated area watched over by a lifeguard.?No currents.?No waves.?Nothing swimming around in there but you. By contrast, the ocean is a living, moving place with a lot of unknown.?It’s constantly changing, and you are not alone. ?Is it strange to think about where you came from, consider the life experiences that brought you to where you are now and then contemplate where you’re going all while you’re gazing at paradise?

The waves were big.?I had expected glass-smooth water for snorkeling.?However, upon checking in, we were informed that all activities had been canceled until further notice: no sailing, no snorkel boat trips, and no sunset cruise.?Due to some storms out at sea, the island was experiencing the biggest waves in twenty years.

So, why could I see people swimming on the other side of those crashing waves??How in the world did they get there? Could I, do it???

I watched one young lady as she stood a few feet back from the crash zone.?She looked intimidated.?She gathered the courage, walked in at just the wrong moment and a wave taller than she was crashed over her head and pushed her down into the sand.?Before she could gather herself, another wave crashed over and all I could see was legs and elbows as she washed onto shore.?She found her feet and stumbled out, disheveled and somewhat embarrassed.?She did not try again, and it made me sad.?I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how.?I had to learn, so I kept watching.

I saw a silver-haired woman approach the water.?She was smiling and when the wave came, she just dove straight into it, swimming through it and surfacing in the rolling swells on the other side.?She was laughing and I was inspired to be like her.

I watched a lot of people that day, all trying to swim in that beautiful water.?A few people were mad, and many stood looking out longingly.?One person went in alone and left his tribe member standing awkwardly on the shore.?Some got tossed more than once before getting to enjoy those beautiful rolling swells and some people never made it.?

I didn’t try to go in the water that first day.?

The waves were bigger the next day.?I needed help so I asked my husband if he could get me past the waves safely.?He said that if I paid attention, I could do it myself.?He said that the waves were coming in a pattern; three big waves, four small waves with an occasional, unpredictable wave.?Somehow that felt like truth, like life.?I wondered again why I think these deep and parallel thoughts, and yet, I felt comforted by the fact that my life imitates the natural world.?

My husband is from a small Midwest town not far from mine and yet he’s very comfortable in the ocean.?He’s confident.?He considers the tides, potential rip currents, wind, and weather.?He isn’t afraid because he is aware.?He knows that conditions change and sometimes very quickly, but he isn’t caught off guard because he’s watching for the signals that I haven’t learned about yet.

He took my hand and held it firmly as the ocean surf washed over my toes.?It was cool and inviting.?Truthfully, I was afraid.?Really afraid.?He saw that fear and asked, “What’s the worst that can happen?” and then smiled.

I have always feared the unknown.?Maybe that’s just part of the human experience. ?It’s not in my nature to take risks.?Yet, I’ve consistently taken risk my entire life though I haven't realized it. ?It’s the opportunity and challenge that’s enticing. ?I love to win.??So, I might make it through, yet there was the chance I could get rolled just like all those people I had watched.?If that happened, what would I do? ?I already knew the answer.?I would get up, maybe sputtering, and try again because I wanted to swim in that gorgeous water.?I refuse to be that person standing on the shore watching other people.?

With that settled, everything was easier.?Hand-in-hand, we made it through the waves without any problem.???

The waves were bigger the next day.?Yet, people were in the swells bobbing around.?

Together, my husband and I walked into the water.?I froze when I saw the wave.?It was a foot or two over my husband’s head and he’s 6’4”!?I looked from the height of the wave to my husband’s face.?He took my hand and stepped forward.

I closed my eyes and walked into the wave.?It washed over me, but it wasn’t as forceful as I thought it would be.?Salt stung my nose and the current pulled at me, but I kicked away from it. ?It’s counter-intuitive to go forward into a scary situation; however, by taking just one step forward, the momentum carried me through it.?

Within a few moments, I surfaced in those perfect rolling swells. I was buoyant with happiness and surprised at my success!

The next day the waves were the biggest we had seen, yet I stepped into that blue water on my own.