Walking the line between introverts and extroverts at work - what I learned from Susan Cain

Susan Cain was speaking at Nordic Business Forum 2018. She is a well-known author and speaker on the subject of introverts and extroverts, and the difference between the two. More importantly, I feel, are her lessons on how to work with both types of people.

Personally, I would identify as an extrovert; I am comfortable around people and being in the spotlight. When I am a speaker, I am energized by the audience –  the same goes for bigger parties, especially if I am arranging them myself.

That being said, I’m human. I do get tired and sometimes feel like I need to get home and rest.

With this in mind, it was a big eye-opener for me to hear Cain talk about introverts and how they see things differently. For them, it drains their energy to be in a big crowd with a lot of new people – they are overstimulated and overwhelmed. They might not be shy per se, but they will likely still be quiet in a new situation. They get more comfortable when they can meet new people at their own pace, not by forcing them to meet a lot of new people all at once. The stress of being around a lot of people causes them to feel exhausted.

When they want to be alone, it often has very little to do with their shyness. Instead, it is about recharging their energy.

Cain gave concrete tips on how to get people to talk in meetings. If you ask, “Does anyone have any questions or comments?” you’re lucky to get 2-3 people responding publicly at most. These few people are usually the most vocal and would spend the entire meeting talking anyway, while the majority of others attending the meeting will stay silent. Cain suggested waiting a little longer for answers to that question, thereby allowing  more time for the quieter participants to react. She also pointed out that you can ask for opinions directly from those who are often quiet. Similarly, it is important to not put introverts in an uncomfortable situation in front of other people. It only adds to the pressure that they already experience.

Therefore, it might make sense to share the agenda beforehand so they have time to go through the material before the meeting and feel more confident to talk about the subject matter in front of the group.

After hearing Cain on stage, it was quite clear for me that, in the majority of the meetings I hold, only a few people actually talk. I was open about this with my team and told them that I want to change this. I allotted more time in our meetings for new people to take part in conversations and voice their opinions. I paid attention to asking for comments from those who were quiet. I also tried to publish the meeting agendas early enough so that everyone could familiarize themselves with the discussion points in their own time. After a few months, I asked how well had I succeeded in this. To my surprise, the comments were that there has been little to no change. I was under the impression that there was a huge difference, but my team didn’t feel the same way.

Luckily, I was trained as a facilitator a few years back where I learned a simple method that applied to this situation perfectly.

1. Start with yourself. This means that, when asked to comment or develop something, each individual should think about his/her own answer.
2. Continue as a group. Once everyone is aware of their own thoughts and opinions, ask them to share their answers within a small group of 2-4 people. Go through these answers without commenting them, just listening.
3. Bring it to the public. After a few rounds of these small group discussions, ask everyone to come back to the main group and then discuss things as a whole.

This method ensures that everyone speaks up and shares their thoughts. Many times, the need to comment distracts introverts, who then tend to revert to listening and stop talking. With this method, we get all the ideas out and extroverts can support introverts to speak up without any additional perceived pressure or awkwardness since they have heard what introverts said in the small groups.

As Susan pointed out, many times, there great ideas that are not heard. How have you ensured that you hear those great ideas?

You can find notes of Susan Cain’s speech at Nordic Business Forum 2018 here: https://www.nbforum.com/nbreport/susan-cain-harnessing-the-strengths-of-introverts/