Walking the El Camino de Santiago

I come to my solitary woodland walk as the homesick go home. I thus dispose of the superfluous and see things as they are, grand and beautiful.

~Henry David Thoreau

The decision to undertake the 500-mile journey from France to Spain over the span of a month was not a spur-of-the-moment choice; rather, it was a deliberate quest for deeper meaning and spiritual growth. This pilgrimage, following the path carved out by St. James and followed by many before me, is viewed as a transformative journey for both the body and soul. The emptiness left by the loss of significant aspects of my life, seemed insurmountable. The darkness of despair threatened to consume me, and I knew deep down that I needed to take a significant, almost drastic step to pull myself out of it.

Embarking on the Camino pilgrimage, I must admit, I wasn't fully aware or prepared to understand the true depth of what this journey would entail. In my characteristic manner, I had meticulously planned this solitary adventure over a span of more than ten years, convinced that I had all the knowledge and expertise needed.

During the course of my pilgrimage, the sight of buses passing by and picking up weary travelers along the path, tempting them with an easy way out, was a constant presence. This "temptation" served as a metaphor for the internal struggles I faced - the persistent voice of doubt and self-questioning that threatened to derail my journey. The decision to continue walking, despite the physical discomfort, emotional turmoil, and the allure of escape, became my greatest challenge, my battle against the urge to give up and seek solace in the nearest hotel.

Walking the Camino was my way of paying homage to the person I used to be, before the world and circumstances reshaped and redefined me. With no grand expectations but a glimmer of hope for healing, I set out on this transformative odyssey. Along the ancient path, I felt the guiding presence of those no longer beside me, connecting me to a deeper sense of purpose and belonging. The Camino's magical aura and unexpected encounters wove a tapestry of meaning and significance into the fabric of my existence.

The obstacles and hardships encountered along the journey of jagged mountains, coastlines, and forests. were not merely physical trials but profound tests of resilience and self-discovery. The tears shed on the vast plains of Meseta Spain and upon entering the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela echoed the emotional reckoning within, urging me to confront my innermost fears and doubts, emerging from the crucible of pain stronger and more attuned to my true self. The moments of joy and liberation experienced amidst the struggles were like precious jewels unearthed from the depths of despair, illuminating the path ahead. The deep understanding of knowing fear to a great extent is a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe, I was strong.

Returning to the familiarity of everyday life was a jarring transition. Echoes of the Camino's lessons lingered, whispering of unfinished transformations and untapped potentials awaiting realization. The pilgrimage was not a journey with a defined endpoint but a perpetual evolution, an ongoing narrative of growth and self-realization. As beautiful as the journey was there is the truth that true healing is a fierce and brutal place.

The spirit of the Camino continues to dwell within me, a guiding light illuminating the shadows of doubt and uncertainty. As I navigate the challenges that lie ahead, I carry with me the resilience, strength, and wisdom cultivated on that sacred path, knowing that the journey of the soul is infinite and ever-evolving. "My life, like all lives, is a great and continuous unfolding."