Waking up with anxiety

I recently came to the awareness that I wake up every day in a state of panic.

OK panic might be on the strong side, so let’s say dread, anxiety.

I am not talking about a one off due to a presentation or a meeting but a standard everyday occurrence.

That is how I wake up.

I then internally scan my mental horizon for causes of stress -and that can indeed be a big meeting etc. but can also just be, what will I do today or a gym class or anything really.

By the time I am up, it is gone.

I am shocked yet recognize that that is what I do.

Every day.

I find it even more confusing as I pride myself om my happy go lucky, positive outlook and strong inner foundation after years of personal development.

I seem, at some subconscious level, to feel deeply unsafe.

Asked recently (in a totally different context) to describe a moment when I felt utterly safe: I struggled and to my consternation started crying.

I still can’t get my head around it as I have no clear traumas or bad childhood memories that I know of. I decided to leave the WHY for now and focus on what I could change.

So, what DO you do at the young age of 56 to start creating that feeling of safety?

I am surrounded by a loving family, partner, and friends. I have a roof over my head and with age have learnt to more or less own all that makes me the wonderfully imperfect being I am.

Which leaves us money.

My bank account empties and fills depending on the clients I have and the trips I plan, and I have always sort of prided myself on not being interested in money. Yet money too is security, especially when one is freelance, without a pension or savings.

Money certainly does not guarantee happiness or fulfillment, but it does create options and it does create independence.

So, for now I am embarked (via the educational platform of the online business I am now affiliated with) on a journey of befriending money, of seeing its beauty, it’s worth as a force for good. Of seeing myself as worthy of receiving, holding, and circulating money so I can fully embrace the freedom business model we operate with.

Should any of this resonate with you, reach out and together let’s do something about it.

You DESERVE (to) #beheard #behealthy #befree

Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash