Wake up call to make a change

In 2004, I was working for a company experiencing significant growth. Technically, I was among the best in my department and was actively contributing to the company’s success. That spring, my department announced plans to send a few employees abroad for specialization training. Seeing this as a fantastic opportunity, I applied immediately.

When the list of selected candidates was published, I was shocked to discover that my manager had not chosen me. I couldn’t believe it! Without hesitation, I went straight to her office to demand an explanation.

Her response changed my life completely. She said, "You are one of the best employees we have. Everyone appreciates your contributions and learns from you. BUT, your style is too aggressive and direct. This might not align with the trainers or the vision we have for the Studio, and I cannot risk this opportunity for our company."

I was stunned. I went home filled with anger and denial. That evening, I met some friends, vented my frustration, and cried on their shoulders about the injustice of my manager’s decision. However, after this initial outburst, I began to reflect on what she had said.

Until then, I had considered myself very popular. My confidence in my technical skills and my perceived popularity had allowed me to behave naturally, without much thought to how I interacted with others. I was essentially carrying over the same behavior from my university days, assuming it was perfectly acceptable.

When I reviewed the list of selected candidates, I realized something: every person on that list was someone I knew well. They were technically competent, but they also displayed consistent professionalism. They were organized, balanced, and communicated effectively. They may not have been as “popular” as I thought I was, but they were undeniably strong professionals.

Then it hit me: my manager was right. Those colleagues were indeed better choices for representing our department. They exemplified the kind of professionalism that the program required.

I came to a humbling realization: while my technical skills had propelled my career to that point, my soft skills were holding me back. If I wanted greater opportunities in the future, I needed to change how I interacted with others.

To be clear, my company valued me as an employee, even in the long term. I was performing well in my department and was compensated accordingly. I could have chosen to remain content with my status. But the drive to improve came from within—I wanted to be better for myself.

Oh, almost forgot—yeah, in the end, I did get to go to the specialization program. And I behaved... well, mostly. Or at least more than I thought I could. Change is tough, you know? It’s not some one-and-done switch—it’s a process.