The Waiting is the Hardest Part.

Tom Petty told us a long time ago about "The Waiting."

Anyone who is waiting on an answer - from a job, from a college, from a romantic interest - knows this well. The waiting is hard. It's excruciating. It's nerve-wracking.

But Tom says it's the hardest part. It will work out in the end, but when you're faced with uncertainty, a sense of powerlessness, or the feeling that you are being evaluated by someone else, we naturally freak out.

Tomorrow is the much anticipated "Ivy Day," when the most selective schools release their college acceptances. At that point, virtually every college will have sent out their decisions.

For high school seniors and their parents, the long wait is nearly over, and I hope there's exciting news you are able to celebrate.

In my practice, in the 3 or so months between when they submitted their applications and when decisions are released, I see students starting to second guess themselves.

• "Did I do something wrong?"
• "Were my essays good enough? Should I have written about something else?"
• "Should I have taken the SAT again?"

I see parents worrying about their child's future:

• "When I applied to college, X college was seen as a back up school at best."
• "Tell us what to do to change the decision, and we'll do it."
• "We're trying to figure out if he should go and then transfer out."

The panic has everyone overthinking, overinterpreting, and - often - overcommunicating.

Students wonder whether a waitlist decision from one school means something about their chances of acceptance at another. The description of a colleges "short, unranked waitlist" sends them in to tailspins about what this really means.

With all of this hyperfocus on the "achievement" of getting IN, I think families are asking the wrong questions. To use a crude analogy, if we thinking about this in the context of dating, I hope you can see why.

Let's say you go on a first date with someone you've had a crush on for a long time, and you do your best to make a good impression. You think the date went well, but at the end, they tell you they're just not feeling it.

It can be easy to question yourself and wonder why you weren't "good enough" for them, or if you had avoided that one topic or showed more warmth or done this or that, maybe they would have changed their mind.

Maybe that's true.

But more importantly, only that person knows what they are looking for. You may just not have been it. And it might not have been a question of "good enough" but rather a shared sense of humor, lifestyle, values, etc.

It's not a value judgement, it's just not a fit.

This is easier for me to say than for you to hear, I know. But if you want to move forward, this is what you've got to wrap your mind around.

Take heart that one's college experience is less about what school you go to and more about what you make of your time wherever you are. Frank Bruni had a great piece in the New York Times about this over the weekend, and his book Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be is a great read on this as well.

And while this may not be any sort of consolation for a graduating senior, younger students, take note:

This is exactly why it's so important to build your college list thoughtfully, starting from a place of introspection about what YOU want. If you can get clear on that first, and then find colleges that provide those things, you will have a much easier time finding and articulating that mutual fit.

Which is, by the way, the entire purpose of a college application.