Waiting on Godot...or Gouda

By Chet Berry

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“Are you going to stay in the car?”

To the untrained ear, that sounds like a simple question.? And in a court of law, if any explanation was offered in response, the questioning attorney would interrupt and offer, “It’s a simple answer of yes or no”.? If you’ve been married more than 15 minutes, you recognize signs of a trap.? ?

Regardless of the absence of taking an oath, I replied “yes”.

My wife and daughter graciously accepted my reply and proceeded to walk into Wally World.?

I, in turn, rolled down the windows and reclined the seat.? Might as well be comfortable.? Might even close my eyes.? Might just consider how easily the female members of my family accepted my reply. They were light on their feet; agile in their response.? No argument was presented. They were shopping before I had my foot off the brake.

The question on my mind was not limited to the particulars of the circumstance, but rather to the level of awareness present in my wife and daughter.? Stated more clearly, did they know that I was aware of their lack of interest in my participation?? Did they believe their offer was seen as care and courtesy?? I’ve been married long enough that I know that answers do not exist for every question.?

Here is what I do know about my lack of invitation:

a.?????? ?I am slow.? I walk slow.? I’ve always been slow.? Perhaps not mentally, though you do not want me calculating the time taken to trek 27 miles while doing 58 miles per hour.? I still bear the emotional scars of running “Suicides” in basketball practice.? The coach would always try to motivate us in a manner most sensitive for 1972.? If I remember correctly, and that’s saying something because I’ve blocked out much of my 4th grade sports experience, he would punish the last two guys to cross the finish line by making them…wait for it…run. It was always me against a kid who wore some sort of brace.? Nevertheless, I had his number.? My struggle continues as I’m usually 10 paces behind my wife.?

b.?????? I am usually bored. I cannot recall the last time I went shopping and found something “new”. When I was in college I worked part-time for a department store in the mall.? For those under 35, the “mall” is a place where people used to go and walk around without buying anything. One of my duties was “merchandising”.? Merchandising required that I move racks of clothing from one location to another, giving the appearance that the store now held new items.? Ever since those days I have the uneasy feeling that I’m being merchandized.

My thoughts were interrupted as a car pulls into the spot next to me.? A new Mitsubishi Eclipse I believe…couldn’t look directly at it.? The driver’s door swings open and out steps a mom.? She looks happy.? Not.? She proceeds to open the rear door and project in a loud voice…

And I’m quoting here…

“Get out of the car!”

I almost got out of my car.?

The message, however, was directed at two occupants in the back seat sitting in booster seats.? These two occupants were having a conversation…strike that…they were simultaneously presenting their insights, opinions, and preferences without regard for their acceptance in tones regularly considered whiney and irritating. ?

“Get out of the car!”

The occupants remained oblivious to the second demand and continued their exchange. It was at this point that the mother exclaimed “Get out of the car!” or “Get out of the car, NOW!”? If I was under oath, I would say it was two “Get out of the car’s” and one “Get out of the car NOW”.? I could not swear to three “Get out of the car’s”.?

She then proceeded to encourage the children from their perches.? Some might say “yank”.? My front row seat to the spectacle was now obstructed as the occupants were shorter than the window ledge of my Toyota.? I can only speculate what prompted the response of occupant one as I heard him say,

“What did you do that for?”

As they proceeded into the store, I sat back and grinned.?

One day, they’ll get to stay in the car.

cb