W.A.I.T.

Imposter syndrome can make you do things that don’t help your career, but can actually hurt your career.???Things like talking too much.?

In case you don’t know my career origins, I was told by my high school counselor that going to college was not an option for black girls—he said success for me was impossible. He told me that my better career option was to go to secretarial school and learn to become a secretary instead.?

So, I listened to him and after graduating from high school, I became a secretary for Women’s Day Magazine.?But soon after, I realized I shouldn’t BE a secretary, I should HAVE a secretary.?The rest, as they say, is 'herstory'.

He was wrong, I made it through college, and got my first job with IBM as a Systems Engineer—but meanwhile all throughout my career, the word impossible from my counselor kept ringing in my ears.

So, I believed I was faking it, that deep down, I really was a secretary, wearing an IBM pin striped suit, and my cover would soon be blown ?by people I was working with. But I learned pattern recognition, and saw how to mimic success, how to follow winners—I saw to it that no one could outwork me, out strategize me, out think me.?I knew I would win.?

One of the ways I tried to demonstrate that I wasn’t a secretary, was by trying to show how smart I was – constantly asking questions, making comments or offering suggestions.

One day an SVP of the company took me aside and said, Daphne, you need to learn how to Wait!”

“Wait??Wait for what, wait for who?”, I asked.

I was told that W.A.I.T.?stands for ‘Why Am I Talking’???The SVP went on to tell me that in order for me to be taken seriously and to be listened to, I had to speak less and listen more. Turned out that my imposter syndrome was causing me to show up as more insecure and less ‘smart’.?

?So my strategy in meetings became to:

1) Write down my questions as they came to me.

2) Prioritize which questions were the most important—were they relevant, were they helpful, would they improve on the silence they were interrupting?

3) ?I would ask 1 question per 45 minutes or per hour (not every 10 minutes as I had before) .??As I waited, I found that other people would end up asking some of the questions I had written down.?My silence gave them the opportunity to ask the question instead of me asking all of them.?

My waiting made me a better listener and a better contributor-– I was able to hear deeper and contribute at a more informed level.??

I found that this was like the old advice of ‘counting to 10’ before you say something you might regret.?Take your time and don’t be in a rush to communicate.?

I learned that the T in W.A.I.T. can also be replaced with (Why Am I) Tweeting, Texting, or Transmitting.?Take it slow, be quick to listen and slow to speak.?

You can use this strategy outside the job as well -- I decided to use this in my personal life.?When I am tempted to yell back at my husband because he is yelling at me, I stop, pause, and ask myself “will my next statement improve the situation, or make it worse? “?

No matter what is going on in your life, you will find that it’s often a good time……..to W.A.I.T.

Let’s Go! ??