Wackos In The Classroom

Occasionally principals must work with one or more teachers with “low wattage.” As a principal I’ve worked with a few teachers lacking basic knowledge. I couldn’t believe it as I watched a fourth grade teacher use a wall map to “show” how the Mississippi River flowed from Seattle to Los Angeles. Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn would've been surprised.?

Then there was Al. He allowed three of his fifth grade boys to play poker for money in the rear of the room while he taught math to the rest of the class. I asked Al why he did this. “ Well, they don’t like to pay attention during math so I let them play poker. You can learn a lot of math playing poker.” Al was a retired Navy Chief.

Each year at Halloween the students would wear their costumes to school. I’d lead the parade around the campus. Al always dressed up as a KKK wizard. Parents were dismayed.?

When I met with Al to do his yearly evaluation he ignored the few positive points and disagreed with my suggestions for improvements. He spit in my face. I said I was going to call the police if he didn't leave my office. He screamed that I wasn't calling anybody. He climbed up on top of my desk and sat on top of my phone with his legs crossed like a hen on an egg. I wished it had rung. I?reported his behavior to the?district office. Nothing was done.?

Mary was my vice principal. Nancy, a second grade teacher, had requested to meet with me. I felt Mary should be present at the meeting. As we met Nancy kicked the conversation off by telling us about self-help books she believed were beneficial. A few days earlier she had left 74 self-help books in the teachers lounge with a note attached that they were free. “Help Yourself!”?

Suddenly Nancy segued. She said that when she went home at night she took off all of her clothes, thought of me and masturbated. I said our meeting was over and showed her the door. Mary and I immediately made detailed written notes about the meeting. Then I called the director of personnel and reported the incident. Nothing was done.

The following year Nancy was transferred to a different school to teach first grade. One day in class she took off all of her clothes and started scrubbing the floor. The district suspended Nancy for two months.

Ellen was a teacher who stayed on topic no matter what. A parent rushed in to my office to say there was a car in Ellen’s room. I cut through the multipurpose room and opened the interior door to the room. The parent had exaggerated. Only the front half of the car was in the room.The cars unusual entrance had broken a water pipe. Water was arching over the students. Ellen, a superb teacher and a bit of a hippie had divided the class in half and continued teaching and let the rain be damned.

The car had been stolen from an elderly man who had been delivering a repaired vacuum cleaner. When he took the vacuum up to the owner’s door two members of the Lomas gang hopped in his car and took off. A passerby spotted what was going on and shouted for the old man to jump in. They gave chase. The car jackers drove on to the playground with the owner and good Samaritan in pursuit. After doing two figure eights the car jackers bailed out letting the car continue on in to Ellen’s room.

The School district had signed an agreement with California State University to train their student teachers. Student teacher Bob came into my office the second day of his assignment to say he wouldn't be at school the next day. I asked why.

Bob explained he and his father would be busy in the morning knocking off the head of the West Coast mafia. I asked Bob to tell me more. Bob said that every morning at 9 o'clock the mafia don had breakfast at a coffee shop in Laguna Beach. Bob's father was a pilot and owned a plane. They’d be circling over the coffee shop waiting for the mobster to arrive. Bob would stick his Weatherby 3006 rifle out the window and assassinate the gangster. Bob and Dad had practiced on a pumpkin field near Barstow, California.

Bob was happy I understood and left. I knew I needed to call the Department Of Student Teaching at the Universality about this nut case but got tied up with a problem on the playground.

A half hour later I called. A young woman answered. As I started to tell her the reason for my call I heard yelling and screaming. She hung up.

I called an hour later. The woman who had answered the phone both times said she and the other employees had locked themselves in the bathroom out of fear. I asked some questions. I learned a student teacher had come into the office yelling and screaming and had thrown wastepaper baskets in the air. It was Bob.

I was told the student teacher supervisor was out to lunch. I asked the young woman to tell the supervisor Bob would not be allowed back on the Monterey Vista campus.

The next day minutes before school was to start the student teacher supervisor came rushing in to my office. She pleaded with me to let Bob continue his?student teaching. I refused. She pleaded. I refused. Then she played her final card. I should have a heart. This was Bob's last chance. He had failed student teaching three times.

I told her if Bob came on the campus I’d call the police. Then I called the police and made a report. For the next three days the police stayed close by. Bob never showed.