Vulnerability as Strength: Building Trust and Enhancing Performance

Have you ever shown vulnerability to your boss, colleagues, or team? If so, how did it make you feel?

Many leaders and managers believe that showing vulnerability is a weakness from which they cannot recover. They believe that if you show vulnerability, you'll lose legitimacy as a leader, you won't be respected, and eventually others will take advantage of you. This is especially true in cultures where masculinity is at the center of social interactions, or for those who see the world as divided between the dominant and the dominated, and who want to be part of the former group.

According to researcher, professor and bestselling author Dr. Brené Brown, vulnerability brings power. In her TED Talk, which has been viewed 60 million times, she explains that we want to numb vulnerability because “vulnerability is the core of shame and fear?and our struggle for worthiness,?but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity,?of belonging, of love”.

The courage of showing vulnerability

Accepting vulnerability requires the courage to be imperfect. It requires accepting ourselves as we are. For a leader, it is a path to authenticity, and it plays a key role in being perceived as trustworthy. When you accept to tell your teams that you don't know, or that you haven't made the best decision, you give yourself the permission to not be perfect. At the same time, you give others the same permission. You are sending a powerful message: "It's okay to make mistakes, it's also okay to ask for help”.

Accepting vulnerability also means letting go of control over one's image, over others, and, more generally, over the environment. As a leader, if you want to trust your teams, you must accept vulnerability. Because trusting someone carries with it the risk of being disappointed, deceived, or even betrayed. This acceptance, this trust in your team, will in turn foster their trust in you, because they will feel recognized in their abilities and potential.

When you show vulnerability, your team will see that you are not pretending that everything is okay when it is not. You will foster an authentic and fulfilling relationship. By asking for help, you will also value your counterparts, give them the opportunity to contribute, and achieve better results overall. All of this contributes directly to increased trust and higher performance.?

Showing who you are, with your strengths and limitations, is not weakness, provided you have a high level of self-awareness, self-confidence and maturity.

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Showing vulnerability helps build trust

Much research has shown that companies with high levels of trust have higher productivity, engagement, and employee well-being. So, you can unleash the power of vulnerability.

Paul Zak, founding director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies and professor of economics, psychology and management, has spent decades researching the neuroscience of trust. He identified eight measurable leadership behaviors that foster trust, one of which is showing vulnerability. He demonstrated that showing vulnerability stimulates oxytocin production in others, increasing their trust and cooperation.

Asking for help has at least 4 benefits, each of which is related to a trust factor described by Paul Zak. First, it demonstrates that you, as the leader, feel safe. Second, it gives others the opportunity to help and grow.? It also enables the team to rise to the challenge and achieve results. Finally, it provides an opportunity to deepen relationships.

Let's look for a moment into the realm of personal life, where similar processes can be observed. Feeling safe to share one's imperfections with a loved one, or accepting to let go of control, is key to good relationships. Family psychologist Leah DeCesare offers an offbeat illustration. People who dare to fart in front of their loved ones have more successful long-term relationships. Again, accepting a necessary but socially repressed need, letting go of constant control, not feeling compelled to always present a perfect self-image, becomes a testament to inner security, authenticity, relationship quality, and trust.

Unlocking the Power of Vulnerability

Coming back to the professional environment, I would like to share the following questions that may help you unlock the power of vulnerability:

• When was the last time you showed vulnerability to your team or colleagues?
• How did it make you feel? In the same context, what could you think, feel or do slightly differently that would help you show your vulnerability, while feeling (even) safer, (even) more in tune with yourself and the others, and (even) more relevant in your role?
• What are the signs of vulnerability that you would find relevant and beneficial to express, but you hold back because it could be seen as a weakness?
• What would be a good way to express them in a way that is fully appropriate, respectful of yourself, of others, and more globally of all stakeholders?
• With full awareness and authenticity, how could you use this vulnerability to strengthen and empower your teams? To deepen the quality of your relationship with them? To show that you trust them?