Vulnerability, a Leaders Call to Courage

Being a leader doesn’t mean you have all the answers. You don’t. I certainly know I don’t. Pretending you do won’t earn you respect. Quite the opposite. Leaders who admit vulnerabilities display a shared human condition that others relate with and respond to positively.

We all have human limitations and frailties. Admitting that to others is cathartic and forms trusting relationships.

Vulnerability and strength are not contradictory terms

The dictionary defines vulnerable as “susceptible to being wounded or hurt; open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.”

Many of us are taught from a young age to not appear vulnerable. We’ve been raised in a world where being vulnerable is associated with failure and disappointment, while success and strength are considered paramount to leadership.

However, if you can’t break through this archaic, limited point of view, you don’t have the innovative foresight to be an effective leader. Allowing yourself to show vulnerability is positive for any relationship and an essential tool for running a successful organization. It has taken me a long time to realize this. Seriously, sometimes I can be a slow learner.

It can be lonely as a leader, but it doesn’t have to be. Sharing concerns and decision difficulties with people in your charge isn’t easy. When you do, you’ll find, in most cases, they don’t criticize, ridicule, or condemn. In fact, they’re eager to be supportive and help find solutions. 

It takes courage to admit you are what you are, human

Leaders who admit limitations and failures are admired, respected, and trusted. Being authentic develops a connection that enhances engagement in the shared company goals. It takes courage to show vulnerabilities. People respond positively to courage, not false bravado.

George Washington used vulnerability to his advantage while addressing disgruntled troops. As he took the podium in front of hungry soldiers that had long gone without pay, Washington said “Gentlemen, you will permit me to put on my spectacles, for I have not only grown gray but almost blind in the service of my country.” (1)

According to witnesses of the event, several of the men wept by this humble admission from the iconic leader. The men voted unanimously not to revolt.

Washington understood showing you are human is beneficial. So did …

For those not familiar with sports, let me introduce Augie Garrido, five-time College World Series winning baseball coach and Mike Krzyzewski, five-time National Championship winning basketball champion coach.

Both humble coaches allowed themselves and encouraged their players to display human frailties. When asked when he knew players had given their best effort, Garrido said “when athletes are willing to risk losing.” (2) According to Krzyzewski: “A leader has to be positive about all things that happen to his team. Look at nothing in the past as failure.” (3)

“Don’t be afraid to fail” and “Try something. If it doesn’t work, try something else” should be mantras for any organization. Part of vulnerability is admitting and allowing an organizational culture where people, including the leader, have the leverage to try and fail, then learn from it.

Stress is death

An effective leader is courageous enough to admit failure, that they were wrong, or that they simply don’t understand a subject. If you aren’t willing to admit this both to yourself and to staff, too much energy is spent concealing perceived inadequacies.

It’s an unhealthy, exhausting, stress inducing condition that builds over time. Innovation, creativity, and the inclination to take calculated risks are stifled by fear of failure.

Decrease your stress level substantially by simply acknowledging unpleasant topics and encouraging people, yourself included, to discuss them openly. If the leader is willing to address uncomfortable subjects related to work, everyone else will be, too.

Speaking openly about stress inducing topics boosts relationships and relieves the pressure valve for everyone. Examples include employees that feel uncomfortable at work for any number of reasons, not receiving credit for work, ideas seldom being taken seriously, harmful office gossip, etc.

Go ahead and acknowledge the elephant that has taken permanent residence in the room. Avoiding sensitive topics is stress inducing. Whispers about the elephant among coworkers isn’t helpful. Encourage the freedom to air out grievances and uncomfortable subjects.

It’s not about that

Vulnerability does not mean you should open up about your private life and deepest, inmost thoughts or cry on people’s shoulders all the time. It does mean to drop your shield a bit, keeping your well-deserved ego arrows in their quiver, to complete the metaphor. Be courageous enough to be openly vulnerable.

Leaders do not always have to be in control of the conversation. The path forward doesn’t have to be your vision every time. With ego still tucked neatly in that quiver, just listen (read: actually hear) and welcome others’ ideas. As I mentioned in my last article make sure to ask beautiful questions to seek understanding. It’s not always about you or on you. A team effort is more effective.  

Leaders are not usually excited about being seen as vulnerable. I know it has taken me many years to realize that it is ok. However, understanding your people and them understanding you is vital to the health of the business and the people of it. “Vulnerability is the key to business, opening up and showing people who you are,” according to self-made multi-millionaire and star of CNBC’s The Profit, Marcus Lemonis, (4)

A friendlier, more productive workplace

Employees who communicate are less likely to have conflicts and are friendlier to one another resulting in less internal conflicts. Mistrust and back-stabbing among employees create a hostile workplace resulting in higher turnover and lower production. 

A vulnerable leader elevates the overall mood which fosters an energetic, enjoyable atmosphere for everyone. If I leave you with just one thing to remember it would be this- get to know your people and allow them to know you. This includes having the courage to sometimes show vulnerability.

1). Statement before delivering response to the first Newburgh Address. March 15, 1783. https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/washington-puts-an-end-to-the-newburgh-conspiracy

2). Garrido, A., & Smith, W. (2011). Life is yours to win: Lessons forged from the purpose, passion and magic of baseball. New York: Touchstone.

3). Jacobs, B. (2004). The message of Mike Krzyzewski: Coach K’s little blue book: Lessons from college basketball’s best coach. Toronto: Sports Media.

4). Xero Blog To run a beautiful business, be vulnerable, be kind. https://www.xero.com/blog/2017/12/run-beautiful-business-vulnerable-kind/