The Vulnerability of Joy

When my therapist said "Joy is a vulnerable emotion," it sent shivers up my spine. This was a piece of the puzzle I didn't even know I was searching for.

Until that moment my core belief of joy was from Buddha when he said something to the effect of "Sit with any emotion long enough and it will turn to joy." I have found this to be the case in meditation and in life, but oh how fleeting and delicate such joy can be!

The nature of Joy

The peace of joy is different from the excitement of happiness. Happiness happens in the head. Joy begins in the heart and radiates through the entire body.

Joy definitely doesn't always happen in meditation, but sometimes when my mind is clear there is a deep sense of peace and joy.

It feels so good! But typically this happens right before the alarm goes off or a thought arises that I can no longer shake.

Returning to the breath or object of meditation or clarity or feeling in the body is the practice. If there is one thing I've learned it's that chasing or seeking this deep peace and joy does not work. Like the farmer tilling the soil, I can only create the conditions in which the seeds will sprout. And then they sprout and grow on their own.

Sometimes pure joy is present while playing with my kids. Sometimes it's while writing or riding my bike, walking or other enjoyable activities. Or when recognizing how the twists and turns of circumstances puts me in the exact position I need and wasn't expecting. This flow state while being caught up in the beauty of life.

Joy follows like a shadow that never leaves

In writing this I tried to find that original quote by the Buddha but could not. So perhaps I got it from someone (Tolle?) paraphrasing the following from Buddha:

"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."

It's not the exact words that are important. Saying that a quote from Buddha is exact is like saying it's possible to know the precise weather conditions 2500 years ago. What's important is the message behind the words.

Joy is like a shadow that never leaves. What does this mean?

It could be about the ethereal nature of joy and shadows. Shadows cannot be caught. Shadows are elusive. They conceal. When light is cast upon a shadow it disappears, much like trying to not think or feel other emotions. Such conditions of joy and non-thinking can be chosen and experienced but they cannot be captured or held.

What I think Buddha meant is about the vulnerability of joy. Like a shadow, joy is easily lost. Change the source of light and the shadow changes. Change the direction of the light and the shadow changes.

The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.

The darker the light, the lighter the shadow.

The vulnerability of Joy

Joy is vulnerable because it is easily over-shadowed (or perhaps over-lighted) by thoughts or other emotions. There is often a holding back of joy because of fear or uncertainty, such as laughing too loud or doing something too silly.

We are conditioned in schooling to not stand out but rather to stand in lines and sit in rows. We are taught by an "expert" (who is really still figuring it out themselves) the facts of life (which often ignore what's most important), and given sheets of paper on which to repeat the lessons and receive a grade. And in college these grades are scaled such that only a certain percentage of students pass. Enough to keep the school accredited, but not too much to lose the percieved value of the degree and jobs they grant access to.

What a straight and calculated system!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against education. I value the lessons I was taught. But I also know education broadly ignores the curves and shadows of life that add depth and meaning.

Without shadows any image is flat.

It's no wonder that joy is so often lost amid the shuffle. It is a quiet shadow, always present, but often overlooked or over-calculated. And there are countless other forms of trauma that children take on that we later get to heal as adults and hopefully stop the cycle for our own children.

Against such odds joy certainly is vulnerable. This is why it can be difficult to feel despite it being always available.

The experience of Joy

What I've noticed is that as I embrace vulnerability and surrender to life then joy shows up more often. Even more so, as I embrace the entire range of emotions I experience the alchemy that leads to joy.

It's not only from a clear mind that joy arises. It's also from a clear system that allows everything. It truly can be sadness and anger that lead the way to joy. This is what the Buddha meant by sitting with any emotion long enough and it becomes joy.

This is the vulnerability of joy because the experience relies on all other parts being accepted and appreciated and expressed. By welcoming and clearing all these parts then the ever-present whole of joy remains, like looking into the eyes of a baby or a child at play.