Vulnerability, is it important and why is it so hard?

My career shift series; part 3

Having completed my coaching training modules has meant I’ve now had to start thinking about how to make this career shift into a new career, rather than just sharing all the interesting new learnings with anyone who will listen.

I have no experience in how to set up a business, and no idea where to start. There is a plethora of information out there and lots of people I can ask for advice, but it feels so overwhelming. Not only that, focusing on what I don't know is beginning to take the shine off the learning I was enjoying.?

We are all told that action helps tackle over-thinking so I thought I'd think about a basic website, something I could point people at, however that too is much harder than I thought it would be. Not only learning the setup, making it look pretty but then thinking about what to share and what not to share.

The ‘About me’ page for the website has been the hardest part, so much so that I’ve even held back talking about it here. One of the best side effects of this coaching training has been the increased self-awareness and the ability to call out my own BS (that before, I would explain away). Naturally, I chose to coach myself and work out why I had been avoiding it.

I wondered if an ‘About Me’ was even needed. It’s easy to break down the professional vs the personal. Maybe I could just tell my professional story? Sure that’s easier, but will that help build enough of a connection with others? Why am I compartmentalising? What am I scared of people seeing if I put my head above the parapet??

What is it about the emotional vulnerability opening up, letting the world see who we are that is so frightening? Well, the definition gives us a little clue:

Vulnerability refers to?"the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally."

Okay, well that kinda explains why putting yourself out there can feel scary, our brains struggle to distinguish between real and perceived threats, so they both feel the same in our bodies.?

Recognising it’s more related to self-preservation and staying in my comfort zone than I realise, is the first step to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Remembering the cognitive bias known as ‘the spotlight effect’ is also comforting. It is the incorrect tendency to assume that other people are noticing our actions and behaviours (good and bad) as much as we do. When in reality they are focussing on their own.

It’s in these moments I miss the safety blanket of being employed. When you’re working for someone else you’re a representative for the company, any judgements passed are subconsciously associated with the company. However, when you are the face of the business, there is nowhere to hide.?

Rejection could mean they’re not interested yet, it’s not their cup of tea or you’re not their cup of tea. It never occurred to me before how brave, resilient and non-attached my self-employed friends and acquaintances must be.

If I wish to provide a service to others, I need to allow people to decide if they can connect with me and I guess that only comes by being open and honest, which I do consider myself.?

What have I learned from my confrontation with emotional vulnerability? That we need to:

• Remind ourselves that it’s iterative, we can continue making changes; ‘Progress over Perfection’,
• The spotlight effect means that we tend to overestimate how much attention others pay to us,
• Muster the courage to do the scary thing anyway!

And finally, perhaps a more helpful definition for me in moments of overwhelm might be:

Emotional vulnerability:

'Putting yourself in a position of easily being hurt?whilst trusting it will be ok.'

In the theme of trusting it’ll be ok, hello world; https://coachingwithsabina.com is my new website. Eek. See you on the other side.