The Vulnerability Collective

Experiencing Joy and Pain in a Group Is So Powerful

Today, our culture is in crisis. Many people have retreated to their ideological bunkers to hate from afar, dehumanizing others rather than risk having real, meaningful conversations across their differences.?

How will we find our way back to each other?

It’s not by staying in our factions and echo chambers, pressured to conform to whatever viewpoints and ways of being are acceptable to our political and social groups. Instead, it will take a willingness to share our authentic stories, opinions, and selves, even when putting ourselves out there seems lonely.?

As I recount in Brene Brown’s book?Braving the Wilderness, one of the keys to doing this work is maintaining a belief in the deep connection between every other human in the world that cannot be broken. I can stand up for what I believe is right when I know that regardless of the pushback and criticism, I’m connected to myself and others in a way that is inseparable.

However, our belief in that connection is constantly tested and repeatedly severed.

According to my research and interviews with hundreds of people, one way to bolster that belief is to seek out everyday moments of collective joy and pain with strangers—moments that remind us of our common humanity, a foundation that can support us later when we find ourselves in conflict. We have to catch enough glimpses of people connecting to one another and experiencing shared emotion that we believe in our inextricable connection.?

When we learn about each other, we connect better. We find better ways to work together. To be more creative and care for each other. Thus, it builds a stronger leadership team. Most importantly though, sharing your own personal journey allows you as a leader to be vulnerable and, when staff see that you can be vulnerable, it promotes leadership. It shows everyone that you depend on them just as much as they depend on you.

There are many ways to be humble and share your vulnerabilities. Sharing my own personal journey line was one way for me. Something that I didn’t expect back then, however, but something I have witnessed since is that humility and vulnerability drive creativity. Being vulnerable with staff and with each other does something. The best way that I can explain it is that it brings about creativity and disruptive innovation.

Collective joy and pain—whether at sports games or rock concerts, at vigils or funerals—are sacred experiences. They are so deeply human that they cut through our differences and tap into our hardwired nature.

We need these moments with strangers as reminders that despite how much we might dislike someone on Facebook or even in person, we are still inextricably connected. And it doesn’t have to be a big moment with thousands of strangers. We can be reminded of our inextricable connection after talking with a seat mate on a two-hour flight.

The problem is that we don’t show up for enough of these experiences. We feel vulnerable when we lean into that kind of shared joy and pain, and so we armor up. We might shove our hands into our pockets during the concert, or roll our eyes at the dance, or put our headphones on rather than get to know someone on the train.

Collective assembly has long been a part of the human experience. . . . Collective assembly is more than just people coming together to distract themselves from life by watching a game, concert, or play—instead it is an opportunity to feel connected to something bigger than oneself; it is an opportunity to feel joy, social connection, meaning, and peace.

The foundation of courage is vulnerability—the ability to navigate uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It takes courage to open ourselves up to joy. Pain is also a vulnerable emotion. It takes real courage to allow ourselves to feel pain. So, to seek out moments of collective joy and to show up for moments of collective pain, we have to be brave. That means we have to be vulnerable. We have to show up and put ourselves out there.

Before this work, I didn’t know why I put so much value on these collective moments. Why I intentionally go to a church where I can break bread, pass the peace, and sing with people who believe differently than I do. Collective assembly meets the primal human yearnings for shared social experiences.

A collective assembly can start to heal the wounds of a traumatized community. When we come together to share authentic joy, hope, and pain, we melt the pervasive cynicism that often cloaks our better human nature. In this Vulnerability Collective, “You are only as healthy as your neighbor”.

This newsletter is curated by Carl Shawn Watkins, CEO Carl Shawn Watkins Consulting who is a Vulnerability Coach, Keynote speaker, and DEI Consultant.?If you are seeking guidance and consultation around diversity, equity, and inclusion and vulnerability leadership in your workplace, visit the website to learn more about services that can be tailored to your specific needs.?