Vulnerability in Action: Building Stronger, More Connected Teams

Welcome to the latest edition of the “How to be a co-creative leader” newsletter!

Vulnerability is one of those words that carries a negative connotation sometimes in the leadership realm. For some odd reason, many leaders fear their people will see them as weak or incompetent if they are vulnerable with their team.

There are different levels of vulnerability and some are more exposing than others. In this edition of the newsletter, I want to go beyond the typical “vulnerability is a sign of courage” type of discussion when it comes to vulnerability. I want to give you some fresh perspectives on the topic and potentially give you the tools to create working environments where it is safe for people to open up.

Let's get started!

The real truth: Your ego does not like vulnerability

I am going to go straight to the point. As much as you may use the fear of the judgment of others as an excuse to hold back from being vulnerable with your team, that is probably not the real issue.

More often than not, the real problem with being vulnerable with others is our own ego. We just do not want to look bad in front of others. After all, the people around us seem to be doing well and they seem to have it all together. At this point, the general feeling is that maybe it is best to just not say anything so that I do not stand out because I am having challenges and they are not.

I see this cycle happen often with leadership teams that I work with. When certain people share the issues they are facing, I often hear one of the following statements from others in the meeting:

• “It’s nice to hear you are facing problems with your team too. You usually seem in control of everything all the time.”
• “Thanks for being open to share like this when you need help or when things aren’t going well. Your willingness to do this reminds us all it’s ok to do it.”

The easiest level of vulnerability

People often see vulnerability as something dramatic or someone being very emotional in front of others. I find that is probably the most extreme form of it, but it’s not the only one.

At the most basic level, vulnerability can be as simple as saying things like:

• “I don’t know.” or “I don’t have any solutions.”
• “I need help”
• “I made a mistake”
• “I am sorry…”

Tell me, what is wrong with saying any of these things? You are probably thinking “nothing.” Okay, so why is it so uncomfortable for some people to say any of these things?

This is where the company culture or the team culture kick in and take over. In some businesses or teams, it can feel like the kiss of death doing this.

A few years ago, I was working with a team that struggled a lot with this. We were doing a series of workshops to work through the pyramid of “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”. In the workshop on trust, one recurring theme was they were a team of high achievers.

Because they were all high achievers, they put additional pressure on each other without always realizing it. They saw all the others on the team as high achievers and did not want to be the weak link that let the team down. In the end, they were still letting each other down because they were unable to achieve group results together.

What our workshops allowed them to do was to talk about how they all felt and the areas where they were holding back from speaking up. They also came to agreements about how they could be vulnerable with each other and how they all wanted that to be possible on their team.

Now, pushed to the other extreme, if you are always apologizing or making the same mistakes over and over, there may be a problem you need to address.

An example of emotional vulnerability

I remember a private strategy session I facilitated for a group of business associates a while back. They were known to be very rational people and not necessarily used to being vulnerable with one another.

I had designed the strategy session in a way where we covered the topics they wanted to cover but we blended them into content that I was teaching them. At the start of the session, we started by creating our working agreement together for the three days we would be together. The agreement had the typical things about respect of the opinion of others, being present, being open and speaking your truth among other things.

We then moved on to an exercise where people shared how they felt about working for the business in the past year. The first person that spoke started by speaking in generalities and as they got more comfortable, they started going deeper and sharing more and more very personal things. At one point, the person bursted into tears as they were sharing their story.

A few powerful things happened in that moment. Other participants started to cry as they were listening to this person speak. Some people got up and went to give that person a hug as they were sharing. They offered this person a lot of empathy and compassion and some apologized for some misunderstandings that had happened with this person.

Now, imagine this person sharing basically the same story, but with scathing anger and blame directed towards everyone around the table instead of tears of pain. What would have been different in the meeting at that point? How do you think that people would have reacted?

This person made a choice in that moment to allow the emotion and the pain to come through. They allowed others to see them in that way. The other thing this person created was that during the rest of that exercise, others shared in a similar vulnerable way. Some more emotionally than others but whatever level of emotion came up, they were willing to be there for each other.?

The choice that person made also set the tone for the three days that we had together and it impacted that leadership team for many months after our sessions.

Let’s cover a few more examples

The last example I gave you with the group of business associates was very powerful and it was also a very exposing level of vulnerability. I want to be clear that this level is not what I expect from you continuously as leaders. I shared that example with you because there are moments where this happens and it needs to be ok when it does.

On a less emotional level, here are another couple of examples. I was at a client a few years back with a colleague and a client asked me for advice on something and my reply to this person was: “I truly don’t know.” My colleague asked me in private after that discussion why I said that to the client. I answered: “Well, because I didn’t know and that’s the truth. It’s as simple as that.” For this person, as a consultant, I needed to know everything.

Earlier this year, I was helping a client with a challenge and we learned some good lessons we could share with their team in a workshop we had coming up. In the session, I asked them if they would share some of those lessons and they did. I then filled in some of the blanks but held back some of the juiciest parts because I did not want to embarrass them. This person then surprised me by sharing these parts on their own with the group. Everyone just smiled and appreciated the candor.

Another example I see regularly are leaders that want to try something new with their team and they call it out up front. They will say things like: “I want to try something with you all in this meetings. It may work well, it may not, it’s ok though, I really want to do this and see what happens. Please play with me on this.”

I tried to give you some real-life examples of vulnerability at different levels. As I mentioned earlier, vulnerability does not always need to be at an extreme, it can be a very easy thing to do.

Some tips to practice being vulnerable

Becoming more comfortable with vulnerability is a skill you can practice and develop. You just need to make the choice to do so. Here are different ways that you can play with vulnerability and practice with your team.

1. Ask for help: As a leader, do not hesitate to ask for help from your team to solve problems. This can be in a group context but also about going to see key people individually and asking for their opinion or advice.
2. Own your mistakes: When communicating with people on your team, take ownership of your mistakes. For example, if you made a decision that led your team down a rabbit hole, acknowledge it was your decision and it was the wrong one instead of blaming them for the failure.
3. Share your emotions: Be more aware of the emotions you are feeling and name them for your team. If you feel overwhelmed, say so, you do not need to pretend everything is ok.
4. Express gratitude: When others around you step up to help you, take the time to thank them for their help and recognize the impact of their contribution for you. People love a heartfelt thank you.
5. Share your own experiences: Share some of your own stories with your team. There is no better way to connect with others or help them feel less alone than by sharing a story of a similar failure or challenge you faced.

You do not need to do all of these but start with one of them and see what happens. How did you feel before being vulnerable? How did you feel after? The more you practice and normalize these new behaviors, the easier it will become to do so moving forward.

Conclusion

Vulnerability in leadership can be challenging, but it is an essential component for creating strong, authentic, and effective teams. Throughout this newsletter, we explored different levels of vulnerability, from admitting mistakes and asking for help to sharing deeply personal experiences.

We addressed the common misconception that vulnerability means weakness, but often, it is our own ego that holds us back. Recognizing and overcoming this barrier can lead to deep personal and professional growth.

Through real-life examples, we saw how vulnerability can manifest in various forms. From simply saying "I don't know" to sharing emotional experiences, each act of openness can foster a culture of trust and collaboration. These stories illustrated the powerful impact vulnerability can have on team dynamics and individual relationships.

To wrap it all up, let's remember that vulnerability does not always have to be extreme or dramatic. It can be as simple as acknowledging when you need help or admitting when you do not have all the answers. By practicing vulnerability, you can create a culture where everyone feels safe to be open and authentic, leading to stronger connections and more effective collaboration.

Action Steps:

• Reflect: Consider how vulnerability shows up in your leadership style. What are the areas where you can be more open?
• Start Small: Implement one of the tips provided and observe the impact it has on your team.
• Encourage Dialogue: Foster an environment where your team feels safe to express their vulnerabilities as well.

I hope this edition of the “How to be a Co-Creative Leader” newsletter gave you valuable insights and practical tools to embrace vulnerability in your leadership journey. Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below—how have you practiced vulnerability, and what changes have you noticed in your team?

Thank you for reading, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Warm regards,

Steffan

Are you ready to dive deeper?

If today’s insights sparked your curiosity and you are ready to explore further, I’m here to guide you. I am also here to help if you are experiencing challenges with conversational debt on your management team. It all starts with a conversation so click here to schedule a discovery call with me. Together, we can tailor a development plan that aligns with what you are looking for.

Thank you for taking the time to engage with this newsletter, and I look forward to supporting you in your journey to becoming a co-creative leader.

About Steffan Surdek

?? Are you ready to elevate your leadership to the next level?

With over a decade of experience in leadership coaching, I've dedicated my career to helping executives and management teams unlock their full potential. My approach is centered around the concept of Co-Creative Leadership, focusing on fostering a culture of collaboration and action-oriented learning.

If you're looking to transform your team's dynamics, enhance collaboration, or reduce conversational debt, I'm here to guide you. Feel free to schedule a discovery call by clicking here.

For more information:

• Visit our website: https://www.surdek.com
• Visit our blog: https://www.surdek.com/blog

?? Drop a "LEAD" in the COMMENTS below, and I'll send you an exclusive guide on "The 5 Key Skills of a Co-Creative Leader." This resource is designed to provide you with an overview of the five key skills as well as actionable insights and strategies to unleash the leaders within your team and create a more dynamic and effective working environment.

Join me on this ongoing journey together towards bringing more co-creative leaders to the workplace.

#SelfAwareness #Leadership #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalIntelligence #CoCreativeLeadership