Volume 17: Am I... a Lazy Entrepreneur?

*Trigger warning: This edition discusses mental illness and suicidal ideation

Expectation: I am writing this edition of Anxious Millennial Marketer at my desk or in some hipster cafe eating an artisanal sandwich that I probably can’t afford?

Reality: I am writing this edition of Anxious Millennial Marketer in bed, in pajamas, at 1:48pm on a “work day”

As some of you may know, I love me a good nap. On any given weekday, you can probably find me taking a nap anytime between 2 and 5pm. Maybe it boils down to my days as a preschool teacher where I listened to hours of lullaby renditions of Beatles songs. Maybe it's because my antidepressant has affected my circadian rhythm over the past two years. Maybe my bed is really just that comfortable.

But maybe I’m just.. lazy?

Let me take it back a notch: I used to be the girl who would get up diligently every Sunday morning for flow yoga class. The type of person who wanted to get into the office early every day to have breakfast before starting work.

So, what happened…?

I started a business.?

Entrepreneurship has fundamentally changed the daily structure of my life. It’s not a 9-5, M-F life anymore. It’s a 24/7 365 endeavor now with Burke By Burke . To be fair, this statement isn’t necessarily groundbreaking or innovative thinking on my end.

So why is it that when reflecting on my habitual siestas, my first thought it to be immediately self-deprecating and diminishing of my body’s physical needs?

Self-deprecation is a hallmark of any self non-respecting working millennial. I am my harshest critic. If I make fun of myself first, then I can beat you to the punch. You can’t hurt me, if I hurt me first.?

See, I care deeply about what others think of me. That probably isn’t a cool thing to admit. But it’s not because of some desire to be liked by everyone; not everyone will like you, and that’s OK (that only took me 30+ years to learn, nbd). But I care what others think of me because I care about the energy I put out into the world. I care about how my words and actions impact the people around me that I care about. I care about my work, my volunteer endeavors, my family and friends. I care about my husband.? I am an empath, and it is both a gift and a responsibility. It is exhausting to care so much.

Maybe that’s why I’m napping so much.

The entrepreneurial journey has taught me about how things are supposed to look in work, vs. how things actually look.

My business has probably saved my life, or at the very least, significantly improved the quality of said life. Prior to my diagnosis, I suffered from bouts of suicidal ideation. When I previously worked in the corporate world, it would happen on more than one occasion where my untreated anxiety would derail me so much, that I would look out the window with fleeting thoughts of jumping out and just ending it all.?

It took me years of therapy to differentiate between suicidal ideation, and actual suicide attempts. I eventually realized that the ideation didn't stem from any desire on my end to actually end my life. I was just tired. I just wanted to escape my day for a little while and rest.

I just needed a nap.

If you are looking for support with mental illness, call the Fraser Health Authority crisis line:

604-951-8855 or 1-877-820-7444 (toll-free)

Trained volunteers provide emotional crisis support, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.