Voices of Change: Empowering Yourself to Speak Up

CLICK FOR SHORT VIDEO MESSAGE FROM LENORA

We've all been in situations where a colleague or friend makes a comment that clashes with our values or beliefs. In an earlier article, I discussed when and how to accept a person's comment, even if we disagree, to avoid unnecessary debates when the timing isn't right. It’s crucial to understand that accepting does not mean condoning. Conversely, there are many times when it is essential to respond, yet most people walk away or say nothing.

In my experience, there are five main reasons people remain silent:

1. Fear of judgment: Many worry they will be judged harshly for speaking up.

2. Uncertainty about what to say: Sometimes, we just don’t have the words.

3. Concern for the other person’s feelings: We don’t want to hurt someone we care about, even though they have hurt our own feelings.

4. Belief that it doesn’t apply to them: We assume the issue is not relevant to us. Some do not recognize that everyone deserves respect.

5. Fear of saying the wrong thing: We’re afraid we might make matters worse.

These hesitations reveal a common desire to be team players and avoid disruption. We are judged all the time, whether we speak up or not. Silence equals compliance. Not speaking up perpetuates an environment where disrespect can thrive.

The term “political correctness” has morphed into being “woke,” and is often used as a pejorative. Our society has become so polarized that any gesture of diversity and inclusion is negatively labeled. Unfortunately, those who fear being “woke” tend to make the loudest noise against others. If we want our country, community, and workplace to benefit from the strength of diversity, equity, and inclusion, we must find our own way to speak up instead of staying silent.

As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. poignantly stated, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” This silence, whether out of fear or discomfort, has consequences. It creates a void where harmful ideas can fester and grow unchecked. To counteract this, we must develop the courage and skill to speak up, even when it feels difficult.

Speaking up can be achieved without leading to an argument or debate. It requires calmness and skill. When we hear a comment that is disrespectful or derogatory, our first impulse might be to snap back at the person and criticize their behavior. However, this reaction is fueled by emotion and often doesn’t lead to the result we want. To respond instead of reacting, we need to transition to what psychologist Daniel Kahneman, Ph.D., refers to as “System 2” thinking— using the logical, analytical part of our brain. In his book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman explains that while System 1 thinking is fast and instinctual, System 2 is slower and more deliberate, allowing us to process information and respond thoughtfully.

Being politically correct is an attempt to be respectful; however, even with positive intentions, we can make mistakes because we can never fully know all the ways others want to be respected. Before responding to a comment or action, it's important to first gather information and understand the context. This means that speaking up requires listening as a first step.

Start by genuinely listening to the comment or point of view. Can you internalize the perspective of the other person? If not, a thoughtful response might be, “Help me understand why you think that.” Listen without judgment. Your goal is to understand their reasoning. Show the person that you heard them by briefly restating what they said in your own words, rather than simply parroting their words. This confirms that you understand their position and opens the door for a more meaningful dialogue.

Next, ask if they are interested in hearing your perspective. This can be challenging because our impulse is often to immediately share our own thoughts. However, seeking permission first can help you gauge whether there’s any point in continuing the conversation. If they are not curious, you may need to just agree to disagree. But if they are open to hearing your views,

it’s important to share your perspective without dehumanizing or devaluing the person or others who share their point of view.

We live in a time where name-calling, dehumanizing others, and staying within our own silos of commonality is the norm. But if we want to create spaces where everyone is respected and heard, we must take responsibility to speak up with the objective of building a better future together. As civil rights activist Audre Lorde once said, “Your silence will not protect you.” It is through our voices that we can challenge the status quo and contribute to a more inclusive and equitable community.

By embracing the courage to speak up, we not only stand up for our values but also pave the way for others to do the same. Together, we can create environments where everyone feels respected, valued, and heard—ensuring that diversity of thought can be safely explored.

“Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” --- Ruth Bader Ginsburg