The Voice Inside Your Head is Sabotaging Your Happiness and Performance

Do you feel like you never quite live up to your potential, whether at work or in your personal life? Most of us want to be more productive, successful, and fulfilled, yet we continually fall short. Why the gap between aspirations and reality? The startling reason is that we sabotage ourselves, without even realizing it.

Our minds are complex, and we all have two very different sides to ourselves. The rational, thoughtful part that plans ahead and focuses is powered by the prefrontal cortex and parasympathetic nervous system. This is the poised, wise, patient self we usually show the world. But we also have a more reactive, instinctive side fueled by the amygdala and sympathetic nervous system. This part kicks in automatically when we feel threatened or stressed and acts on impulse before our thoughtful side has time to process things. Both sides are natural parts of being human. By understanding them better, we can learn to bring them into balance and respond more skillfully, even in difficult situations.

Our reactive side is old and wily. To a certain extent, it is hardwired into us – in prehistoric times this is the part of our brain that kept us safe from wild animals, marauding tribes, periods of famine and scarcity. But in childhood, we build upon this instinctual reactivity and create meaning in a still undiscovered and scary world, and these childhood creations can undermine us later in life. Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, calls the reactive part of our brains hidden "Saboteurs". These Saboteurs are habitual ways of thinking that generate constant feelings of anxiety, frustration, anger, guilt, and self-doubt. They judge us and others harshly, avoid difficult problems, seek perfection, strive for control, dwell on the negative, and more. Although these Saboteurs were once adaptive, they no longer are. They pretend to help us, but they actually cripple performance.

The wise and patient part of our brains Chamine refers to as the “Sage”. The Sage in each of us helps us to be curious, open minded, empathetic (with yourself and others), compassionate, innovative, creative, clear-headed, and effectively decisive. Learning how to access the Sage parts of our brains improves performance, decision making, and overall happiness.

Gaining control over your mind unlocks vast untapped potential. Distress fades as inner obstacles are removed. You become more motivated, productive, fulfilled, and impactful.

For leaders, developing this self-regulation and control over your brain is particularly vital. Research shows that great leaders are thoughtful, deliberate, and proactive - not impulsive and reactive. They pause amidst stress to access wisdom.

Leaders who have not mastered self-regulation over their thoughts and feelings are more prone to Saboteur impulses like micromanaging when anxious or dodging conflict. Their judgmentalism blinds them to opportunities while amplifying threats. Interactions get polluted by negative emotions. The team’s performance suffers.

The good news is there are ways to train yourself to tame the reactive part of your brain, and access and nurture the wiser, more beneficial part of your brain.

1.??????????Label “Saboteur” reactions when they happen – for example, when you witness yourself feeling frustrated, angry or anxious. Be conscious of the thoughts that are occurring.

2.??????????Take mini time-outs throughout the day to recenter yourself by engaging in short mindfulness exercises, such as focusing on your breath, or rubbing two fingers together and focusing on your sense of touch, or examining an object very closely and engaging your sight and perception of details. Each of these exercises works to ground you and help you access your Sage self. These mini-exercises can be just 10 seconds long.

3.??????????Consciously re-channel your thoughts during challenging moments by asking yourself “What else could be true in this situation?” and “What is my responsibility in this?” Questioning your conclusions offsets confirmation bias, and questioning your part in the situation helps you focus on what you can change going forward.

Leaders can cultivate calm and clarity. As a result, their interactions can elevate others rather than drag them down. They can bring out the best in people. Making complex decisions can become easier. Such reflective, inspiring leadership unlocks greatness in organizations.

Life is too short to be blocked by your own inner enemies. The key is to get your mind working for you rather than against you. The battle is within each of us - but so is the power to win it. Your best self is closer than you think, once inner obstacles are removed. Are you ready to claim it?

For more information check out Shirzad Chamine’s Positive Intelligence website or this Harvard Business Review article by Tony Schwartz. Or get in touch with me directly if you are interested in personal coaching or leadership development programs.

#leadership #positiveintelligence #organizationalculture #culture