Vodka Made Me Do It

I remember high school. I remember going to classes, especially math and science classes. I recall being told by my social studies teacher that I had "too much of a one track mind" referring to my lean toward the logical and reality explaining concepts from trigonometry, physics, chemistry and calculus.

What I don't remember from high school, was doing any speeches. Later in life, after developing this skill of speaking, I was talking to a client whom I went to high school with (I know, right? Isn't that cool? I tutored her in math in high school and coached her as an adult). I asked her what speeches we had to do in school, she recalled how we were assigned a persuasive speech and I did one. I do not recall. I have zero recollection of doing that speech, which she verified I did. I was incredibly shy and avoided speaking like the plague. So this memory lapse does not surprise me.

When I left high school and went to college, I do recall taking some leadership positions in my fraternity and speaking to the other pledges. I remember one of two things happening.

1. I was either 'voluntold' / pushed by upper classmen to speak.
2. I was drunk.

I developed an ability to overcome my natural shyness by drinking alcohol. Over the years this grew, and I recall being a best man at a wedding and giving a fantastic speech that was delivered right near the tipping point of being 'buzzed' vs 'straight up wasted'. I later ate a slice of wedding cake and drank some iced tea, subsequently getting sick. (surely, it had nothing to do with the alcohol <sarcasm>)

I later went on to delivering some holiday party speeches, again, these were alcohol fueled and likely I thought I did a better job than I really did. My boss and now ex-wife did tell me I did a great job, though, so I will take that at face value.

You are probably thinking "Wow, I just need to get a fifth of vodka next time and I will do GREAT". The fact is, many people do drink or even take medication (one client of mine took Propranolol - and it helped him) prior to speaking.

I wanted to tell this part of the story, because to tell the rest of the story ONLY, would be disingenuine. Without having those alcohol induced glimpses of how it felt to hold the attention of a crowd, I may not have ever made the effort to improve my skill and confidence.

In 2008, I joined Toastmasters International. If you want to become a great speaker and a great leader (through leadership opportunities within the club) - this is the least expensive (and kinda slow) way of doing so.

Also in 2008, I got my first DWI (driving while intoxicated) arrest - correlation does not imply causation - so please do not take it that joining Toastmasters CAUSES DWI. Drinking and driving (and a cop) causes DWI.

(I tell you this, because it is noteworthy and very soon in this story, you will see why)

In 2012, after yet another DWI arrest and after having to shut down our Toastmasters club after just one year (thanks to that whole 2009 economic slowdown) after we started, I visited my first "recovery meeting". I realized I had a problem with alcohol and a good lawyer told me to get some signatures from meetings to make a "good guy file".

At those meetings, I had an opportunity to share. Of course, being sober in a meeting with strangers who knew more than me about sobriety made for some very uncertain speaking. I would take some notes, have some bullet points for my main points and developed a pretty good framework for my own "shares" (this is really improvisational speaking for 3-5 minutes). Over time, I started getting laughs when I had intentionally said something funny and 'oh yeahs' when I said something that I knew others would resonate with.

• I spoke in an unfamiliar environment to strangers. Taught me how to craft understandable messages with any audience.
• I spoke OFTEN. Repetition and purposeful practice reduced my fear and helped me reduce anxiety.
• I learned to get out of my own head while I spoke and let the words come from my heart (or God, depending on your beliefs). I shut down a lot of 'background mental programs' that were keeping me from staying in the 'present moment'.

I may break some of these down in future articles. What's the freaking point, Steve? Alcohol may have been a bit of my own undoing in many aspects of my life, it caused health problems, relationship problems, legal problems, financial problems, and on and on.

My recovery, on the other hand, was a GIFT. It brought me a spiritual awakening that brought me peace and a new design for living. I get to carry a message of hope to those still suffering and I get to help others.

My recovery, also, gave me a platform for speaking over and over and over. Every meeting I go to, I make a point of sharing at. Some shares are good, some are not. The point is every single one of them is like doing reps at the gym. My speaking muscles get stronger and stronger.

So if you want to become a better speaker, trust me here, skip the booze and go straight to speaking in front of other people as often as you can. Join Toastmasters, join networking groups, volunteer to speak at church or other social groups. Get in front of your camera on your computer and make videos for YouTube, LinkedIn, or any other social media. JUST SPEAK. It's ALL ABOUT STAGE TIME, STAGE TIME, STAGE TIME.

If you'd like some speaking tips or want to talk to me about how to improve your speaking, send me a message on here or through my website www.stevenenglish.net using the 'Contact Me' function. I love to speak and I really enjoy helping others do so. As Henry David Thoreau said “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.” If you want the help, let's get that song or message out into the world to be heard and enjoyed by others.