An Unexpected Gift: How Trouble Can Welcome a Fresh Start

Are some children just destined to get into trouble??

Of course not! All children are born with an innate curiosity and belief in themselves. Experiences at school and home, however, can change their path and turn them into “bad eggs” – or so we think.?

This is the story of Rob and Michael, a father and son who had their fair share of troubles. But rather than fall into the trap of constantly punishing Michael, Rob took a different path and used a bad experience as an opportunity to start anew.?

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It was the first Saturday in ages that he was alone with his second boy, Michael. Considering what was going on, Rob was awash in uncertainty.

Would he be able to keep his head while others around him were losing theirs? Thoughts of the French Revolution came to him and he laughed.?

He was getting too old for this. He was almost 43, and he couldn't explain where the time went. He sighed as he scrambled three eggs, wondering why his second son was so different from the older one.?

Michael seemed nervous too. He was worried about spending an awkward time together with his dad – he had to concede it was unavoidable.?

His mom and older brother were already on a day trip to the coast with the school team. He was glad to not have to go with the school. School sucked big time for him. Teams sucked. He still flinched when he flashed on the Lacrosse experience. He didn't even get a team shirt. Five minutes of playing time at the end of the last game was all he got. And that didn't matter because they were losing so badly anyway. Still, he was resentful for being forced to sit on the bench the entire season. You can’t trust anyone – except your friends. Mom and dad were teachers too.

The eggs were almost ready when the phone rang. “I’ll get it,” he sang, but almost immediately that happy tone ended and a different voice of Michael’s monosyllabic responses reached Rob ominously from the living room, interrupting the genial thoughts that he had started out with. This introduced a solemn trepidation to the wintry sunrise. His premonition was confirmed, shadowed in Michael’s grim expression as he announced the change of plans.?

“Dad, we have to go some place.” And then the bombshell… “There will be police involved.”

Turning off the oven and the flame under the eggs, he took a deep breath and inquired, “Where?”?

This wasn’t the first time Rob had to deal with the police concerning Michael. No, that was not new. But his son’s grim face that was now steeled with anger and bitterness drove a cold spike into his gut. He had seen that ugly visage recently as well. It was as if someone else replaced his son.

“Queen Anne Hill,” was the cold reply. “We have to go now.”

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The police had all mostly driven away and the crowds were subsiding. People were not staring so much anymore. A few stragglers were milling around, gawking.

Rob’s face was different by now. His head was throbbing. Perhaps he was wrong. All his life he had felt that beating children was wrong. As a teacher, he had been more than successful without ever having to use corporal punishments of any kind. He railed openly against progressive punitive practices – pipeline to prison was his rallying cry.?

His head throbbed more.

On that Saturday morning, without any breakfast – not even a cup of tea – he was faced with the grisly proposition that he had been wrong. What if the old adage was correct – he grew up with it, and heard that previous generation say it with fervor: “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”?

What if the police were right? His son was a “bad egg” and he was going to end up in prison or worse – dead? Was it his fault?

From his lowly vantage-point on his knees in the middle of an unfathomably beautiful garden overlooking the harbor and the city, he had to reappraise everything. He was on his knees because when the police had finished reading the riot act, they demanded that all parents of the ‘gang of thugs’ which included his beautiful baby boy, get on their knees and clean up the mess the boys created the night before.?

The worse part was that he knew the parents. Their children were at the same school, in the same class. Only problem was, their children were getting A’s and B’s while his child was getting F’s or no grades. So the gang of eight decided to ‘take it out’ on the ‘gifted’ kids. They had TP’d the house and garden at midnight – the house with the grand sweeping view on Queen Anne.?

As he looked across at his boy, also on his knees pulling eggshells out of rose bushes, a flash of insight set in. He glared at the scowl on his son’s face, and decided then and there that he would flog him – no, flay him — within an inch of his life. The old folk were right. A good beating would do the trick.

It was then that the miracle gift dropped in.

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“You’re a very lucky man.”?

It was the first time that Rob heard any words coming from the owner’s mouth. He had stood quietly with a sullen cynical, almost acrid demeanor on his face while the policewoman barked orders at the boys and their delinquent parents. His wife had stayed upstairs with the children.?

As he stood tall over Rob to deliver his damning oxymoronic chide, the corners of his mouth angled up in a sneer.

Rob wiped a muddy hand across his sweaty brow. “You’ll forgive me, but I don’t feel so lucky at this moment,” he managed to retain some restraint.

A tinge of regret seemed to soften his anger and it further edged the lines near his eyes. “I had a baseball bat in my hand last night at midnight here in this garden. I swung at your son over there,” he glanced a vicious spear towards Michael’s stooped stance. “I missed. He was too quick… too tricky for his own good.” He looked hard at Rob’s upturned face. “It would be a very different story this morning if I had my will.” He turned abruptly and went around the side of the house, kicking a ragged hydrangea bush as he left the garden.

Stunned, Rob sat back on his haunches. He looked over at his boy who was muddy, broken and sad. Emotions swelled up inside him. Never was he so glad to see him. Never was he so energized to save him.?

He got up, threw down the rake and trowel and walked with straight back and shoulders squared. He knew what to do. He opened the car door and beckoned for Michael to leave. The boy mistook the squared shoulders and straight stance as trouble and approached with a clenched fist ready for a beating.

Instead what he got was a shock.?

“I am not sure how we got here, ” his dad whispered into his ear, pulling his arms tight around his muddy shirt. He hugged him close for a long time. “We might just have to start over again.”

At that moment, Rob realized that Michael wasn’t a “bad egg.” No child is. What our children need from us is not punishment, but leadership. They need understanding and guidance. And most of all, they need our support and love.

Had Rob moved forward with his plans for corporal punishment, it would have only solidified the belief in Michael’s mind that he was a “bad” kid. A belief that would guide Michael to continue the destructive path he was on.??

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I was a lucky dad.

Ten years into the future, and I was a proud grandfather of a boy who looked a lot like Michael. In fact he looked so much like Michael that Michael asked me for advice about how to make sure he was safe in school. You see, when Michael found safety, and love at home, he gave up chasing after gang members who had promised him support and love on the streets. Today, he is a fabulous dad, a happy husband and so unlike the boy who was the bane of Queen Anne back in the day.?

There’s a much better path, but this path requires that we work to understand our children’s brains. Thankfully, this isn’t as hard as it sounds. Brain-based teaching and parenting methods have helped thousands of families and schools raise healthier, happier children who are excited about their future – no matter their past.?

You can discover these same brain-based methods in my new book: The Brain-Based Classroom Workbook.?But I need your help to bring the book to life!

Visit our Kickstarter page and pledge to back our mission - even a few dollars helps us get this book into production and puts these strategies in the hands of parents and teachers so we can support our children.