Vision 2020

What is 2020 to you? A year of learning, growth, or transformation? To me, 2020 is vision. Here I am not referring to the big dream nor the true north that is typically discussed on LinkedIn, but our most fundamental and dominant sense, the power of seeing. 

When I returned to work at the end of 2019, a frequently asked question was: "If you knew you would lose your vision, would you still go on that trip?" My answer never wavered. We grow through what we go through. Going through those darkest days helps me see clearer than ever. I hope my story may help you see more clearly without the sufferings. 

October 2019, a week after an international trip, a benign case of pink eye on my left eye gradually got worse affecting both eyes. At midnight October 28, with an excruciating gritty sensation in the eyes, I went blind with light perception only. I rushed to the nearest Emergency Room. The tests taken there came back as negative, which means nothing is life-threatening. For problems as such, ER could only go so far. 

I was lucky enough to be seen by one of the best ophthalmologists in the Bay Area the next day and had a smooth operation on the same day.

That was how my darkest days started.

I couldn’t see but any light source caused discomfort to my terribly infected eyes. I had to stay in the bedroom with the blinds down and lights off all day long. The bathroom was just a few steps away but I kept bumping into the wall, the door, and the bed frame and even fell off the bed once as I had no concept of where the bed ended. FaceID couldn’t recognize my face which had swelled up due to the infection. Siri didn’t take any request because she required me to unlock my phone first and thus I couldn’t access music, podcasts or audiobooks. 

The doctor wanted to see me daily during recovery. It took us a village to go from the bedroom to the doctor’s office but those visits brightened the darkest days:

I went from being unable to tell where the eye chart was, to seeing the single biggest letter, to the next, and the next, over each day.

From counting the 17 steps going upstairs and downstairs at home with my husband ahold of my arm to walking on my own by navigating the blurry shapes I could make out.

From eating into the nose to gaining back the appetite for my favorite food. 

From hearing different voices greeting and cheering for me each visit to hugging the caring nurses in the doctor’s office. 

I started talking to Siri as she started recognizing me. 

I fed our pet bunnies.

I missed seeing the flowers from my colleagues but then I was able to see the fall colors right next to our windows.

I sent “hello world” to my directs on Slack.

At my last visit to the doctor's office before Christmas, the doctor announced I was recovered. I finally got up the nerve to look at the mirror and laughed at the weariest, messiest and happiest stranger with tears. 

One day I may not be able to recall everything that happened during those days, but I will never ever forget the immense pain, anxiety, and fear of losing vision. 

Just like vision, there are many things that are easy to neglect. Until you lose it you aren’t cognizant of its importance. Things like health, friendship, family. It is never things like title, compensation, or keeping up with the Jones. Life can get really tough. We may not plan for the darkest days, but that doesn’t stop them from showing up every now and then. What we can do today is to cherish and take care of those small important things, those that we will regret if lost. 

In 2020, I encourage you all to use 20-20-20 rules: Every 20 minutes, take a 20-second break and focus your eyes on something at least 20 feet away. I hope more employers, especially in the high tech industry where the employees spend 40 hours a week in front of the screens to add vision health support to your ergonomics programs. 

May you have a happy, fresh and clear 20/20!