Visible Expiration Date?

I saw an old friend at the nail salon yesterday while I was with two of my three daughters, Kathryn and Alison. Julie is a very successful woman with a thriving hair salon of her own and an educator for a major beauty brand. While exchanging catch-up stories for the last couple of months since we’ve last seen each other, my oldest daughter, Kathryn, added that I was going back to school which immediately got Julie’s attention. I went on to explain that, as a woman hitting a certain age, I had a “shelf life” and I needed a backup plan. She immediately spun around making her nail tech let go of her hand, looked me in the eye and said, “I was telling my husband the exact same thing last week and in fact, we discussed it again this morning.”

I was floored. Julie is a self-made, vivacious, stylish, beautiful woman who travels the globe in a high-profile position in the beauty industry and she also owns her own very successful salon. She is one of those people with a fabulous laugh and terrific, positive spirit that draws people in. She genuinely touches everyone she meets. I have adored her since I first met her. She is only in her mid-30s. Why would she be thinking the same thing I am?

In an article by Bonnie Marcus for ForbesWomen, she states “We’re used to the gender bias. We don’t like it, but we’re accustomed to being overshadowed by men despite our great performance. But now we’re aging and we’re aging in a society that worships youthfulness and beauty. And as women over 50 in the workplace, we feel the pressure to remain young and attractive to stay employed. We sense our once sought-after opinions overlooked, our work load given away, as we experience younger workers being promoted around us. We feel marginalized and diminished and are terrified of losing our jobs, knowing full well the challenges we would face getting a new job at our age. It’s almost impossible to even get an interview according the recent studies[1]."

Now don’t freak out on me. I know that age-bias happens to men too. Have you ever heard the saying that men age well though? “Research shows that as men age, they are viewed as more competent and “seasoned” while their female counterparts are deemed less credible with every new wrinkle.”[2]Damn. Am I a foregone conclusion? This make me disappointed, angry and sad. I have put my time in and proven myself 10x over. Will I become invisible with less collaborations and less projects? I have already endured the sexist jokes, the lack of invites to the golf course and the club. I feel I have finally earned the respect of all my co-workers, regardless of sex. Now this? It's adding insult to injury.

So, there it is. I am thinking the same thing that a younger woman is thinking in another industry. This scares me and validates my thoughts and scares me all over again. My plan has been to get as much education as I can and work harder than anyone else. I am lucky as I have been given every opportunity to obtain education with my current employer. I also take every opportunity to help others and prove myself as “valuable” but I fear this will only sustain me for so long. I have gone back to school to stay current on new ideas and understand and adopt new techniques. I live in the world of sales, so change management is my middle name, but I was still struck by this younger woman thinking my thoughts and now I wonder who else? Is being “pushed out” inevitable? What can be done?

I personally feel like I have never been better. There is truth to the adage of women in their 40s feeling fabulous. I am sure of myself. I have a library of knowledge from how to change a tire, to how to make amazing authentic Italian meatballs, to how to negotiate a contract, to how to obtain a promotion. I don’t allow other’s people bullshit to take me off course. I know I won’t find happiness on the scale or at the bottom of a bottle of wine, however I do love wine. I’m not interested in gossip and I have learned that taking an “L” occasionally does not make me a loser and does not mean I have lost the war. 

So why do I find myself reading and evaluating Botox now? I examine every outfit I wear at work from jewelry to shoes for "current" fashion appeal. I never really cared about this stuff before. Now, I get my hair done like clockwork every six weeks, my eyebrows have a tattoo back up and I get my nails done every other week. It took me 6 months to manage contacts, but I did it! I wake up an hour earlier then my counter parts to straighten or curl my hair and apply makeup. It sucks. I know that I am evaluated differently, even subconsciously, on my appearance by my male and female coworkers alike. There is no playbook for the executive or professional aging woman. I’m not entirely sure if the war is with mother-nature or with a perception that I have an expiration date that I can’t see.     

I have been as open and honest and I would love your feedback. Inviting feedback is tricky. What I should say is that I am inviting the reader to consider and express their views. There is little discussion or acknowledgement of the hidden shelf life women carry in the workplace. Let’s explore it and conquer it before I give in and freeze my face!

[1] David Neumark & Ian Burn & Patrick Button, 2019. "Is It Harder for Older Workers to Find Jobs? New and Improved Evidence from a Field Experiment," Journal of Political Economy, vol 127(2), pages 922-970.

[2] Marcus, Bonnie. 2019, January 17. The Double Whammy For Women Over 50 In The Workplace Today. ForbesWomen. Retrieved from: www.forbes.com/sites/bonniemarcus/2019/01/17/the-double-whammy-for-women-over-50-in-the-workplace-today/#59653c26175d