vis-à-vis - a word no one uses right

I love a good word journey.

This week, a little on-the-job research led me to an obscure article on agro-processing in India. The optimistic author believes agro-processing to be a "sunrise sector" of the nation, one of great economic and global potential. I have no preferences on where my rice, cotton, and sugar originates, so I wish you well, India.

In the abstract, the following statement appears:

"The paper provides a summary of the growth history of the sector covering...recent trends vis-à-vis crop-wise status of agro processing industrialization and problems..."

Huh?

While the sentence suffers from a little density, I realized my biggest hurdle to comprehension was that I didn't actually know what "vis-à-vis" meant. It's not a word I hear or read, ever. So, the word journey began.

First, I consulted dictionary.com. A loanword from French, vis-à-vis literally means face-to-face. What's plainer than that? As an adjective or adverb, vis-à-vis is as straightforward as can be.

Adjective: "It's time for our vis-à-vis meeting with the executive team on department goals."

Adverb: "They sat vis-à-vis at the table as they hashed out their relationship troubles."

Despite the simplicity of the word, I couldn't close the book there. I suspected users of the word weren't using it in such mundane ways. Certainly not our learned friends of India.

Apparently, vis-à-vis can also serve as a preposition meaning "in relation to" or "compared with".

"...recent trends in relation to crop-wise status of agro processing industrialization and problems..."

Ok, gotcha (kinda).

As a preposition, vis-à-vis can also mean "facing" or "opposite". Dictionary.com had a cute example:

"We are now vis-à-vis the most famous painting in the Louvre."

Cue the sentimental curator with an inexhaustible love of art.

You know what, I still wasn't satisfied. Even though this word is as pellucid as a word can be, my gut told me most people weren't wielding it right.

Next up, Google: "good uses of the word vis-à-vis"

Our friends at Grammarist.com had some advice. First, the little accent over the à is optional in English. That's handy, but if you want to be fancy, all you have to do is hold your ALT key and then type "0224" on your number pad at the right of your keyboard (not the numbers above your letter keys).

Grammarist.com also claims that the most common use of vis-à-vis is the preposition form. Good to know, but let's see the examples you promised (this is where it gets interesting).

Notice after each use of the word, there are brackets containing an interpretation, each including a question mark to suggest the author was not properly using the word.

Odd examples they chose.

It then occurred to me that I had heard the word used long ago in a Hollywood film. Remember the Architect scene in the final Matrix movie where Colonel Sanders presents a dilemma to Neo in the world's most pompous and monotonous monologue? At one point, he says:

"It is interesting reading your reactions. Your five predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-à-vis, love."

Vis-à-vis, love...?

It's pretty clear what he meant was "That is, love."

It's also pretty clear that vis-à-vis is a chronically misused word, even by the all-knowing creator of our simulated reality.

So how should we use vis-à-vis?

Mostly, we shouldn't. For its simplest meanings, just say "face-to-face." You are more likely to be understood, and in most cases, the fancy French version isn't adding any real value.

Using vis-à-vis to say "in relation to" isn't all that bad, but again, you'll probably confuse your audience.

However, with all words, there is opportunity.

You could use it with a bit of humor if you need to rally a few busy co-workers for a meeting.

"Guys, maybe we could use a little vis-à-vis to hammer out who's doing what on this new project."

I know the word "meeting" can elicit vampiric hissing, so a light-hearted flip of "vis-à-vis" might keep the fangs concealed.

Or, if you wanted to convey the notion of being face-to-face while leveraging the seductive veil of French words, you could use it, well, for romantic innuendo.

"Sarah and Caleb snuck out of the party early again, I'm sure for a little...vis-à-vis."

Why else use French? If you're going to substitute English words for French ones, then do it smartly. Suggest meaning in an artful way. Make your words work harder.

And sure, I used it as a noun here. That's not sanctioned, but no one else is using it properly, so why not?

If you've got a problem with it, come see me vis-à-vis.