That Virtue Called Patience

“The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.”

 – Erik Erikson

If being a psychologist has taught me one thing more than others – it is patience. No matter how good my intentions are or how much I try – I cannot rush change and recovery; and this is something I’ve come to realize and accept over the years. ‘Quick’ fixes and ‘instant’ results don’t happen, and if they do, they can’t be sustained. Things take time – as much as time as they need. It’s akin to our inability to change seasons – it will snow when it has to, for summer can’t be rushed.

I have come to believe that patience is one of the most important life skills in the era of ‘instant gratification’, and it is also an important coping skill which I often share with my clients. 

How patience helps us

1.     Prevents stress and anxiety:  Visualize an impatient person – a woman honking from her car stuck in traffic, or a man who’s running late for an important meeting waiting for the elevator to appear. We can imagine them constantly looking at their watch, tapping their shoes or fingers and uttering all sorts of profanities under their breath. On the contrary, a patient soul will spend this time listening to music, soaking up the scenery of human busyness, or even better, striking up a conversation where possible. It’s anybody’s guess that a patient person is stress-free, relaxed, at peace and happy. In short, people who are patient enjoy better mental health.

2. Improves relationships: Be it with our partner, children, neighbours, co-workers, friends, relatives or anyone else; the element of patience is what nurtures the relationship and makes it last. Patience makes us more accepting, forgiving, tolerant and helps avoid knee-jerk reactions to volatile situations. It makes us more empathetic, less judgemental, more kind, and less condescending. Patience helps us see the other’s point of view and helps us work on our relationships – in good times and especially in bad ones.  It is the cornerstone of any high-functioning relationship.

3. Helps us realize our dreams: And achieve our goals. The road to success and achievements is long, tedious and often lonely. If it weren’t for patience, so many of us would have given up even before reaching the first milestone of an accomplishment. Patience is what keeps us going. It helps maintain our enthusiasm and diligence to achieve our goals. Impatience and anger often go hand-in-hand, and these are the main reasons for losing focus, looking for shortcuts and worse – giving up. 

4. Makes us enjoy the journey: We often say that it is important to enjoy the journey as much as it is important to reach the destination – and patience helps us to do just that. Patience teaches us to enjoy the process rather than rushing to reach the finishing line. If we are constantly running the race while focusing only on the finishing line, life will pass us by, and we’ll be left with shallow achievements sans happiness, love, relationships and peace. So, when life puts speed-breakers ahead of us, remember it is time to enjoy the pause and marvel at the beautiful scenery called life.

So, can we develop patience? Absolutely! Then again, it takes patience to cultivate this trait within us. Here’s how to go about it.

Cultivating patience

1. Delay gratification: The key to delaying instant gratification is by deliberately making yourself wait – wait for that second helping of ice-cream or wait to immediately Google something which is nagging your mind. Just giving yourself that extra minute of two, helps one to practice the art of patience at a daily level in familiar situations. Eventually the feeling of uneasiness will subside, and we’ll learn to be more placid with ourselves.

2. Learn your body’s reaction to impatience: We read that impatient souls are more prone to stress and anxiety. These mental states often trigger various physiological responses in us – increased heart rate, high blood pressure, sweating palms, tensed muscles and of course faster/ uncomfortable breaths. It can be all or some of these signs or something else altogether. What is crucial is to pay attention to your tell-tale signs of impatience and take corrective measures immediately. These can include moving away from the situation, diverting your attention and/ or purposefully calming yourself or anything else which works for you.

3. Practice mindfulness: An everyday ritual of mindfulness – ‘being present completely’ – goes a long way in calming our minds. And a tranquil mind is a patient mind for sure. Mindfulness helps us become more accepting of situations and surroundings. We learn to embrace our very existence. Also, when we get worked-up due to some unpleasant triggers, detaching ourselves from the situation and observing it as an external party helps us get a more complete perspective of the conditions – why it is the way it is, what we can or can’t do about it, how we should and shouldn’t act on it.

4. Indulge in a hobby: If by-the-book definition of meditation isn’t someone’s cup of tea we can practice meditation by indulging in art, music or gardening – or any such skill and creation which takes time to take form. We’ll learn how a medley of colours which slowly overlap with one another can create an art piece or how a small seed needs to be nurtured and watered to grow into a flowing plant. In short, we’ll learn the art of patience. 

Of course, exercising regularly to release the built-up tension; having a back up plan for situations which usually trigger impatience; counting our blessings; looking at the positive side of situations are some of the other strategies which enrich almost all aspects of life – which includes fostering patience.

I’ve learnt that irrespective of when and how much life decides to rush me, I do not have the same power as it – I just cannot rush life. And like the great philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet”; these habits will take time to cultivate as well – being patient with yourself is what counts the most. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Surely, the caterpillar will metamorphize  into that butterfly – but only when it is time! 

The article was first published in WE MAG - Volume 01, Issue 02. WE MAG is a digital bimonthly magazine on emotional wellness. It can also be downloaded from https://www.weqip.com/s/WEMAG_V1I2_JulyAug2019_pg81to86_That-Virtue-Called-Patience.pdf