Creating meaningful connections in remote situations
Shaking a co-worker’s hand. Hugging a friend. High fives and fist bumps. A friendly pat on the back. Most of us took for granted these small human interactions. But with the world practising remote working, many of these daily physical gestures have gone.?We are pretty touch-deprived.
Obviously, this has a serious impact on feelings of isolation and loneliness, but it also deeply affects our ability to trust. It’s an issue I haven’t heard people talking about.?I get it; the idea of brief touches being able to improve a team's performance is understandably an uncomfortable topic. It sounds a bit creepy even writing this, however, respectful compassionate gestures do play a role in the way trust forms.
So how can we fill the virtual void to form bonds of trust?
Very briefly...the science of touch and trust
What’s the first sense that you learned to use? Touch. The skin is our largest organ. Stretched out it would cover approximately 20 square feet, which is about the size of a twin mattress. Primates spend 20 per cent of their day grooming and touching; it's not just to stay clean but to help each other calm down from stresses and threats.
Touch releases oxytocin, a neurochemical that enhances our ability to trust, through our brains. It basically opens the door to feelings of cooperation, safety, and bonding. (Check out the work of Dacher Keltner, Tiffany Field and Paul Zak for more on this.)
Profound changes in how we physically connect including shaking hands and hugging are likely to last way longer than the Covid-19 outbreak itself.
How can we create meaningful connections in remote work situations?
Even without touch, we can still create a deep sense of belonging between people or groups. Affiliation also unlocks the oxytocin keys in our brains, much like touch does, and that helps our ability to trust.
Here four tips to help create affiliation in virtual settings.
1) Discover ‘uncommon commonalities’:
We find comfort in engaging with people who share the same interests or world view as us. But rocket fuel for trust is what is called an ‘uncommon commonality,’ Supporting the same football team is a commonality.?Discovering a colleague has a love for say an obscure author or band forms a bond. #AdamGrant puts it best in his book Give and Take, “Similarities matter most when they’re rare. We bond when we share uncommon commonalities, which allow us to feel that we fit in and stand out at the same time.”
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2) Open dialogue culture: Elephants, dead fish and vomit
I first heard about this idea from Joe Gebbia, one of the co-founders of Airbnb. It’s a term they’ve developed for open dialogue. “Elephants are the big things in the room that nobody is talking about, dead fish are the things that happened in the past that people can’t get over, and vomit is that sometimes people just need to get something off their mind and you need someone to just sit there and listen.” It’s a great framework to use regularly in team meetings.
3) Make ‘vulnerability loops’ part of your culture:
Being vulnerable and taking risks together is how deep trust forms. More on that here in this newsletter. It’s about establishing a feeling that “We’re all in this together and it's okay not to be okay.” Dan Coyle describes these moments best as “a shared exchange of openness.” You have to create safety for people to do this, especially in virtual environments.
4) Use physical gestures that work in a virtual setting
You may have noticed you unconsciously use gestures that replace physical touch like waving goodbye at the end of virtual meetings. Digital tools to raise your hand or clap are useful but try to create a culture where people physically mimic the icons. I do this with my students, reminding them at the start of class, to use the 'raise the hand' button but also to actually raise their hand! It may seem incredibly simple, but it does wonders for connecting and engaging with teams and groups.
A QUESTION FOR YOU: What has worked for you in terms of fostering trust in virtual teams?
Warmly and be safe,
Rachel
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To learn why trust matters, please take a look at my new LinkedIn Learning Course.
Graphic Designer | Background Performer
4 年anyone know how to save these types of posts? I can't figure out where the save button is for some reason.
Professional Pianist, Accompanist, Singer and Tutor at Self-Employed & City Lit Institute
4 年I feel that the virtual screen sometimes gives me focus in a good way, either directed at the group (though most of my meetings are actually 1-1 lessons) or in dialogue with my student. On the opposite side, failing Internet connections are a real killer for communication. With regard to gestures- where the group was supporting and feeling emotionally connected, we have used heart shapes made by hands, otherwise high fives, thumbs up - I often use that when my student has implemented my suggestions and the performance is better. Even when teaching in the same room, speaking into the performance is disruptive, however positive the comment. On Zoom, speaking the effect of a firecracker! Nodding to agree with someone - and of course, the wave at the end. Also, I find myself saying: “Bye for now”, as if on the phone.
HR Leader l Mentor l Veteran
4 年Thank you Rachel Botsman for some deep insights on repercussions of lack of touch on trust. This point particularly was an eye opener for me. If I may add, I think we can create small traditions for virtual meetings. I believe “small traditions can create strong bonds”. Like start the meeting with a small game or an energiser. Maybe just a 5min game. Engage in some team games once in a week. And like you rightly said, give ‘hi-fives’!!
Independent International Project Management Consultant, Energy Transition Implementation Consultant, award Winning Project Director & former Vice President Operations at Petrofac
4 年Rachel, very interesting, insightful and useful article. ???? Thanks. Mark
Striving for Human-Centered Health Care | Physician Leader | Medical Director of Gastroenterology and Digestive Health
4 年Wonderful topic and newsletter this week. I particularly appreciate your highlight of the need to incorporate vulnerability into virtual teaming settings. I have found Amy C. Edmondson’s #PsychologicalSafety principles to be one important key to enable team based vulnerability. I have also found attention to detail matters even more in virtual settings: observing tone and pauses, looking for changes in facial expressions, following up on incomplete comments from team members due to the sometimes jagged flow of conversation. For me this has been much easier to do virtually over telemedicine with one patient at a time compared to the Zoom meeting virtual venue.