Viewpoint: This Whole Thing Smells

In case you have been wasting your time reading about COVID-19, or the riots, or the desire to get rid of law enforcement, or how much of a Presidential convention will actually happen, Burger King has done something real for society. They have managed a 33% reduction in the amount of farting and burping that their cattle do in order to save the environment and fight climate change.

The second largest fast-food hamburger chain in the world adds 100 grams of lemongrass leaves to its cows’ diets during the animals last four months of life to help them release less methane gas into the atmosphere.

In case you haven’t seen the commercial, make sure you do so. It will change your life. It has been watched by nearly three million viewers. But it is hard to make everyone happy when you are fighting such a smelly situation. One scientist has come out critically about the emphasis on farts rather than, according to him, the even worse problem of belching.

Livestock account for about 14.5% of greenhouse gas emissions, with cattle representing the largest share, according to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations.

The mind is boggled at the possibilities. There are around 106 million beef cattle in North America. There are 73.6 million children in America. There are 49.2 million of us who are over 65 years old. Catching my drift? What if the 112 plus million children and old folks were fed a little lemongrass in their diet every day? Those seem to be the primary farting groups, don’t they?

Of course, this is a disappointing development for those folks out there who have invested their lives in trying to destroy the auto industry or industrialization in the name of saving the planet. All they have to do is make lemongrass mandatory for a few million folks, give or take, and the global warming, or climate change, or whatever it’s called today, could be a thing of the past. Is man-made climate change even a real thing?

Spread that worldwide and there are about 900 million cattle and several billion children and senior citizens. Throw in over 600 million pigs, cats, dogs.

Ladies and gentlemen Burger King is onto something here of life changing proportions. There are downsides. Sometimes, of course, lemongrass has some side effects. Lemongrass oil might cause skin irritation. There have been a few toxic side effects, such as lung problems after inhaling lemongrass and a fatal poisoning after a child swallowed lemongrass oil-based insect repellent, but we must keep sight of the greater good. 

And if we get everyone on board, I’m sure we will encounter some lemongrass shortages and fake lemongrass debacles, but the idea of reducing gas and burps by 33% (according to Burger King) seems worth all of the problems associated with something so massively life changing.

I’m a little concerned that there might be a government entity or two that slaps a lemongrass tax on, and with supply and demand the cost will probably go up on lemongrass. For the chance to save the planet? Money is no object.

I wonder if toilet paper companies will need a bailout? Does 1/3 less gas indicate the need for a third less toilet paper? I mean it is a $31 billion industry and if that is crippled we will probably need additional unemployment and stimulus packages. Again, what is another trillion or two in the name of less gas?

Selfishly, most of all I wonder if the Whopper is going to taste as good from cows with less gas and burps? Is saving the planet worth a decline in good taste? I guess the only way to find out is head down to Burger King, take off my mask, and have a bite. Take that methane gas!Viewpoint