Viewpoint: My, My, My Poker Face

I’m pretty sure I could never make a living playing poker. I don’t have what you call a “poker face”. In fact, quite the opposite. I tend to telegraph exactly what I’m thinking with my facial expressions. Now in the course of a business day I’m not so easy to read. When it comes to family relationships, however, I don’t succeed very well in masking my feelings. Put me in my own home and my feelings are pretty much an open book.

My wife might tell you I am an open book much of the time. When she and I are together and I zoom into some conversation with people we don’t really know all that well, she will occasionally draw in a quick very deep breath. That is a good sign for me that I may not want to continue down the path of conversation on which I am headed. In the same way that Lori rescues many of my Viewpoints grammatically, she rescues many potentially embarrassing conversations with that held-breath thing.

My children probably read me best. My daughter, who doesn’t really have a great Poker Face of her own, even makes fun of me. Can you imagine? Several Sunday’s ago, Amber, her husband Danny and the grandchildren were at our house and we were having a conversation about the value of car seats for the grandchildren. Amber stopped at one point and said, “I can see the conversation is upsetting you.” I told her it wasn’t, but I was getting a little warm inside. 

Being the mother of my grandchildren, she uses those same senses of detection when I am upset with one of her children. I must admit I am not very well schooled in the art of talking to children like they are adults and are able to make good rational decisions. So, sometimes while my wife or daughter are having a rational conversation explaining why the child shouldn’t be coloring on the dining room table, I’m more inclined to take the colors away and threaten them with some horrible fate "if they ever do that again!" I believe that children are born with the knowledge and healthy respect of what 'that' is.

My son is equally adept at noticing when I am uncomfortable or emotional about something. He has a better poker face than his sister so, sometimes, it will surprise me when he notices. 

I want to show my emotions less on my face. Close family often make comments like. “You are making that face.” I am at a real disadvantage. I don’t know when I am making that face. I have decided I may need to carry a small mirror around. Then when I am confronted about 'making that face', I will simply pop the mirror out of my pocket, study that face, and learn how to make modifications that make the face change.

Perhaps it would also help if those who love me would carry small mirrors and show me each time that proverbial face makes an appearance. Although, if ten people suddenly surround me, pull out a mirror and shove it at that face, I can only guess how I might react. It probably won't be with a kind, gentle face.

Lori wonders if what shows on my face, may be a reflection of my heart. I’m not too excited about that assessment. I hope that, below my sometimes frustration, anger, embarrassment, is a foundation of love. I honestly believe there is a long list of family members I would literally die for. For now, I am trying to be gentler and kinder, contemplating the purchase of a mirror, dwelling on how blessed and thankful I am by the people God has put in my life, and avoiding high stakes poker games.