The view from over the hill ...

You see that picture on the left? We spent hours backcombing our hair to create some volume for a punk party in our first year at uni. Bethan's was transformed, mine ended up looking exactly the same as when I started. Which is pretty much exactly what's happened to the two of us in the thirty-odd years in between these two photos. Or perhaps not.

We met up again this week at a "women's networking" event hosted by our old university. The last networking event I went to was hosted by the Business School, was open to men and women and held in the Sky Garden. Champagne and canapés were on offer, the speeches were short and there was plenty of time to actually do the networking bit. I met up with old friends and connected with new ones. Loved it.

This time, well ... it was women only, the venue wasn't quite as swish and we didn't even get a glass of wine on arrival (we weren't allowed alcohol until AFTER the panel event, which then proceeded to overrun by half an hour, much to my dismay. Bethan, of course, was as patient as ever). I also, if I'm honest, missed the men. When 80% of your course alumni were men, it's a bit strange going to an alumni event without them.

Anyway, apart from all that think I experienced imposter syndrome for the first time in a long long time, on account of my advanced age.

You don't know what you don't know

The average age of the women there was about 26 I reckon (excluding the two of us). They were all excited to be in the early stages of their careers, buzzing with enthusiasm and somewhat naive/clueless about some of the challenges that they might face in the workforce simply because of their gender.

I say that because the very same day I'd been on a webinar hosted by the Law Society for people (mostly women) who wanted to know how to get their career back on track after time out, usually taken due to some of the aforementioned challenges.

"Is it possible, have I been out too long, how do I reskill, what do I say about the gap on my CV, will anyone ever employe me again..." you can imagine the sort of questions on their mind.

In my experience, at 26 no-one thinks their career will be hindered in any way simply because they are a woman. Having children will not be a problem, childcare can be found, the other parent will pitch in, life is a meritocracy and if you work hard you will be rewarded.

They may be correct. The business world may have transformed whilst I wasn't looking. On the off chance it hasn't read on ....

The View from A Summit

Beth and I are definitely not over the hill, in fact I'm sure there are many mountains to climb, but it does feel as though we're on an important summit.

So in the spirit of "sticking together" I thought I'd offer some advice to the young women in the room.

Dogs may be for Life, Careers are Not

At 22 I joined Arthur Andersen as a new graduate. Loved it, decided that's where I'd make my career and determined to make partner by 34. Achieved that ambition, whereupon the firm quickly collapsed under the weight of the Enron scandal.

That, my friends, was the end of my straight line career. Lots of twists and turns followed, including six years out of paid employment, 5 years as a magistrate, one business that turned out not to be a business at all since it had no business model (i.e. made no money), a book that was a lot of fun to write but also made no money and, most recently, a venture that does actually seem to be a viable business.

Don't put your eggs in one career basket. Find something you enjoy, learn a lot, meet people, gather experiences, hone your craft, keep an eye on the future, gather and maintain connections (this is called your network), pay attention to your health , be nice to your mum. Never define yourself by your job title or who you work for.

Pace Yourself

It's a cliche but life is a marathon not a sprint. And an ultra-marathon at that. You can't go at the same pace the whole time. There will be times you just need to get your head down and go for it, others when you need to preserve your energy. Work this out for yourself, not by looking at those around you. They're running their own race.

Being a Parent is Only One of Many Roles

Let's imagine your adult life will span, say, 21 to 81, or even 91. And let's imagine you have two children, a couple of years apart. You'll have 60 or 70 years to play with and being the parent of "young" children will take up only around 10 to 12 years of that.

I wouldn't dare to advise anyone on how to parent their children, what I would say is don't let those choices limit your own life ambitions.

Take Care of Your Voice

The worst piece of advice I ever had was from a well meaning friend, just after I'd given up work to be a full time parent.

"Make sure everyone else is happy first" she advised "then you can do whatever you want in the time in between."

There is no better way to lose confidence and self esteem than by casting yourself as everyone else's carer, there to make their lives easier, a person whose own needs come last.

Whatever you're doing, in paid employment, being a full time carer, volunteering your services, you are a PERSON with AGENCY.

Agency (sociology) n. the capacity of individuals to have the power and resources to fulfill their potential.

Pursue your passions, hang on to your interests, hold your opinions, be heard.

Find Your Tribe

I do a lot with senior women in business and one topic we've been speaking about a lot lately is how it can get a bit lonely. A senior partner at a law firm recently remarked "There were twenty women in my start group. I'm the only one left. The firm lost all that talent but I lost my friends."

They don't necessarily need to be women but it does really help to have a good bunch of mates around you. The ones who'd have your back. Ideally, not all people you work with (see above about careers not being for life).

This is one where hands on parents have an upper hand, having had to make small talk with the other parents on the sidelines, playground, soft play areas and other places where you hang around aimlessly waiting for your children to finish whatever it is they're doing.

Apart from anything else, it makes the ride a lot more fun.

Meanwhile in the Real World

Where's Rishi? Unless I missed it, he never actually appeared anywhere to give us his verdict on the report he himself commissioned into whether Dominic Raab was a bully or not.

Instead, what seems to have happened is that he agreed to hide inside all day on Monday so that Dom could write is letter to the Telegraph, to be published on Tuesday upon which date he would resign, as he promised, if the report found him guilty of bullying. Which is really odd because his letter and stance basically was that he isn't actually a bully at all and the people accusing him are snowflakes.

And the prime minister said ..... nothing really. Just thanked him for his service.

Also missing

Grant Shapps, business secretary on whether we need the CBI or not, James Cleverly, foreign secretary (until, possibly today) on the plan to evacuate British nationals from Sudan, Jeremy Hunt, chancellor on why food inflation is almost at 20% and what he thinks about the Bank of England raising interest rates again next month, Steve Barclay, health secretary on the plan to deal with the doctors' strike.

Even Michael Gove has been quiet this week about his latest levelling up wheeze.

They've all sent out spokesmen but we haven't seen hide nor hair of any of the big hitters in recent days. Except, of course, Dominic Raab. Who never hit anyone by the way! Before you butt in to correct me, Oliver Dowden and Alex Chalk don't count. Hands up who had any idea who Alex Chalk was this week. (Me neither).

Are they all on holiday or something? Missing in inaction?

Have to say, I'm not missing Suella though.

Your Cultural Fix

I'm watching: Colin from Accounts. BBC2. Catastrophe with a dog. Smart. Also looking forward to the return of Bertie Carvel as Adam Dalgleish on Channel 5 later this week. My friend Olivia (who is in all other respects extremely cool and super intelligent) and I both have a crush on Dalgleish. The fictional character, mind, not Bertie Carvel.

I'm listening to: This Cultural Life on BBC Sounds. I've mentioned this before but I don't think you were paying enough attention. Different people talk about cultural influences on their lives. So much more interesting than simply listing off eight records (which is what Desert Island Discs has become with Lauren Laverne at the helm, Im afraid). This week I did Florence Pugh, Jarvis Cocker and Anoushka Shankar. Sally Wainwright is all lined up as soon as I can get away from this computer.

I'm reading: Old God's Time by Sebastian Barry . Oh my. Actually, Sally may have to wait because I think this novel is one that probably needs reading in one sitting, maybe two.

I'm looking for: Now I wish you hadn't listened to me. It's sold out EVERYWHERE. There is a reward for anyone who can find me this in medium bronze. No substitute will do.