The View From Here

It's dark outside.

The blue digits on my clock read 6:05. Time to get up.

I have nothing in particular to look forward to. I'll spend my day chasing job leads. I've been out of work for 7 weeks.

Life doesn't feel very inspiring right now. I'm working hard every day but it seems the tides are against me. My motivation rises and falls with the events of my days. Hopeful anticipation alternates with grinding frustration. The days often seem endless, pointless. I'm running a race with no finish line.

By email I learn that another company is impressed by my background but unable to offer me a job at this time. We'll keep you in mind for future opportunities.

Indeed.

I scan the online jobs that look interesting and find nothing new.

It's going to be a long day.

I spend time writing emails to contacts, asking how they are doing. I get 2 replies. No leads on new opportunities. Lunchtime can't come soon enough.

After lunch - which I make last as long as I can - I do a little writing and research some new companies that might be interesting. Nothing exciting comes up.

I do get a call late in the day and I schedule an interview for the following week. The job sounds good but the commute isn't really do-able. But I'll see what happens.

I get emails from two friends who are afraid their jobs are going away. All I can do is reassure them that losing their job won't be the end of the world. They are talented and experienced. It may be hard, but they will survive.

I know. I'm doing what they are fearing they will have to do.

I could be really depressed but my current situation. But I'm not. I'm fortunate enough to have some savings that will allow me to take my time finding a new job. And my wife is working. So I'm not desperate. Yet.

It would be easy to get depressed and wallow in the dark emotions that would pull me down into the cold blackness of despair. And I do sometimes find myself slipping toward that dark space. I've been there before and I don't want to go back.

For now I am relying on personal discipline to get me through each day. I can be a tough person to work for. But I am also very understanding.

It's raining now.

This reminds me of a comment made to me by a friend. An older man who grew up during the Great Depression. He knew poverty, living for years in an unheated house and eating scraps his parents scavenged from trash outside more upscale dwellings. Throughout this time his father repeated this mantra:

"It's always stopped raining before."

It became his mantra, and allowed him to move forward when his wife of 40+ years passed away. He's in his 80's now, still healthy, still working, still moving forward.

I know it will stop raining in my life. I don't know when, but I know it will. It always has before.

In the meantime I will continue to move forward, knowing that this will require a conscious choice each day to find a way to move even 1 small step toward my future, whatever that may be.

I will get discouraged, I will get rejected, and I will get angry and depressed.

But it will stop raining. And when it does, I will enjoy the sunshine.