The Victim Zone

Lately, I've realized how I find myself distressed over certain things outside my comfort zone... one of them being the need to walk out of the easy-access victim mindset and be true to myself. This does somewhere branch out from how people I believed may have somewhere back in time ended up putting me in an actual victim place in response to our natural dependency and need for survival over them, and in turn, left me accepting being a victim of a disease they said I had. What disease? I don't know. And never even bothered to know. But once, someday, in the course of the journey, my life turned around and said to me that I don't have any disease. It did to me. I was confused about how can someone, who is supposed to be always right, could go wrong? Next is a crucial choice to make. To introspect within for a real answer to, "Who do I think I am and why? What do I want from my life?", and most importantly, "Am I willing to change, for the sake of the truth in my heart, for my love of my art? Are my will and I committed worth- To leaving all habits developed over time and all that I accepted about everything and everyone, from the past? To redefine my life, as it is, from this moment onwards? To not get flown with the patterns I'm still trapped in, but to see them in compassion for they are nothing but the tormented parts of me who never got to be emoted or expressed or just accepted (neither by others nor by me)? To question my thinking and dare dismantle every belief to examine it?

The hardest part is to speak what I find true, the truth that I deduced/ and believed in, over what the world finds true. And since I'm starting from scratch, it needs a fine and clear understanding for me of what my truth really is.

I remember how my friends asked me why I explain everything so much. Now I understand I was explaining the wrong people and that was causing cognitive dissonance. I thought being right needed someone's approval. It just was about giving self-approval and validation to my needs to be sat with, acknowledged, patiently untangle, and lovingly reconstruct each belief.

context:

I= my perception of who I think i am

Me= your perception of who you think i am