Victim Syndrome & Wellbeing (Part 2)

The process of internalization from self-sabotage and toxic self-talk resulting from negative experiences often heightens the feelings of those possessing a victim mentality mindset. Years ago, my colleague Angie*would invariably began her conversations with a “why”. The challenges she faced in her life would always dominate her discussions and, more importantly, her mind. One day, she was tragically involved in a horrifying road accident that led to hospitalization for a few months.

Yet, instead of facing the uncertainty of the future on her own, Angie* experienced unexpected abundant kindness and compassion from her office colleagues and management. She was not only provided financial assistance to manage her hospital bills but also received her yearly Christmas break that followed the months of hospitalization, thanks to her office colleagues who generously gave her a portion of their annual leave. Instead of fostering the continuous toxic messages promoting a victim mentality like in the past, Angie’s* critical hospitalization became a positive and ironic healing journey of rediscovery of her life and how much there was to feel grateful for. She began to view her personal and professional life with greater awareness and perception, reaching out to people and experiences with less suspicion and hesitation.

To her surprise, her relationships changed, and so did her life - for the better. Since she was less complaining, reserved and inhibited about knowing and supporting others, people began to enjoy her company better! Her professional experiences with people and her team changed, and life began to glow. Angie’s* discovery of her untapped beautiful life is a revelation to us all. When we change, the world changes for us, including most of our relationships. Negative self-talk can be a formidable factor in promoting a victim mentality. The unconscious self-sabotage resulting from negative self-talk is even more destructive to our personal and professional growth, including our inherent resilience to face challenges. The damage to the inner strength makes it also challenging to heal the pain and sorrow from trauma and crisis.

By incorporating the toxicity of a victim-mentality mindset into life, self-esteem and self-confidence get affected. Only through the development of a belief of fearlessness in life do we promote the attempts to succeed in our goal achievements. We are identifying our areas of improvement as much as our strengths play a crucial role in cultivating courage. The issues caused by the development of victim-mentality include the lack of recognition of the present and possible future opportunities in our life.

Angie’s* case is an insightful revelation of how victim mentality encourages and nurtures feelings of anger, frustration and resentment against the world. Her general state of mind was disturbed, angry and suspicious, which deeply affected her well-being. By possessing a victim mentality, she was also incapable of being in a positive frame of mind to celebrate and support others in their quest for success and progress. If she were to continue approaching life with the stress caused by the harmful mindset she had, there was a high possibility that she would have eventually experienced more intense loneliness (possibly even bouts of depression) and anger regarding her life and existence as the years progressed. Physical health issues resulting from the stress and continuous irritation caused by this mindset can be mild to severe in the long term. Some of them are obesity, asthma, heart ailments, gastrointestinal problems, high blood pressure, and frequent headaches from acute anxiety to face life.

Interestingly, this mindset is often unconscious, and a gentle nudge to reflect and contemplate on the thoughts may help those adopting a victim mentality at least consider the complexities in life caused by their negative thought patterns. Helping out those who adopt a victim mentality mindset requires an appraisal of the factors triggering the continuation of this behaviour. The recognition of these factors is critical for their future well-being and their present satisfaction with life and relationships. We need to compassionately enable them to understand that they do not have to live today based on their past, however traumatic and painful life may have been. Their life can be what they choose to become and live accordingly – not chained to a past that holds no insight or inspiration for living in the present or effectively facing the future.