"Victim" Mentality in the Workplace and its Effect on Effective Leadership

This will probably be somewhat of a controversial read. Hell, I feel controversial writing about it and expect mixed opinions on the subject to appear in the comments section of this article but in recent experiences I am coming across this mindset of victimization more often and what is more concerning is that people in leadership positions are projecting this on their employees and colleagues. So in that sense, disclaimer: My opinion and writing style on this subject is going to be somewhat blunt. The views I express are of my own.

It is a sensitive subject, mental health, I am aware. Most cases of victim mentality generate from sources of previous events that perhaps were traumatic or inflicted some level of psychological pain or scarring. I want to make it quite clear that I am not writing this article to dismiss the scenarios that create this type of thought process as "not serious" or "bury your pain and move on" but rather would like to say that mental health is a serious subject and I further want to drive it home that is is perfectly okay to not be okay. It is part of being human. I encourage everyone to understand that it is not taboo or ridiculous to talk about mental health and if you're genuinely experiencing tough times, don't be afraid to 1.) admit or acknowledge this and 2.) start dealing with it in a healthy and constructive way.

If you're unsure if you have mental health issues or not, there are multiple sources online where you can comfortably and anonymously start a journey on healing and understanding, and often you will read articles or see videos of testimonies and might find you're actually not alone afterall, and what your dealing with or experiencing doesn't make you inferior or weak, but rather just a human being dealing with the same stuff we all are.

From this paragraph and moving forward is where the controversy creeps in. I will remind myself as I write this that others will be reading this, some more experienced and more qualified in this that myself, so I will remain within the confines of my personal opinion and objective view throughout this article. While above I state it is okay to not be okay, it is NOT okay to inflict or project your negative emotions onto others around you unless you're in a setting or environment that allows it. If you're seeing a therapist, then this is an appropriate time to do this, or, if you're having a one-on-one with a close friend or relative and the platform is to allow you to unload, then by all means, vent. I encourage this actually. If you're experiencing problems please talk to someone about it.

Where my concern lies is how I am aware personally and through discussions in my social circles in and outside of work and networking, amongst my family and friends - is of this trend for people in leadership positions to unload their personal problems onto their employees. This has me squinting a bit and asking myself - "is this appropriate?".

My conclusion and answer to this question is simply, no.

Let me illustrate one scenario to add some context (this is a fictitious scenario and any relation or similarity to real life event is purely coincidental). Picture yourself in a meeting. Your colleagues and some work friends are in this meeting. You don't like everyone in the room, but you're cognizant that this is normal and it is impossible to like everyone, so you're the bigger person and you always extend professional courtesy, no matter who you're dealing with. You leave your emotions at the front door when you arrive to the office and pick them up again when you leave - you're THAT employee. So you consider yourself to be somewhat intune with your EQ and professional etiquette. Your manager has been going through some marriage issues brought on by circumstances of his or her own doing, a fact that originally when he or she announced the separation you weren't aware of until the the story started making its rounds on social media. Your manager when first addressing the office and employees made a statement along the lines of: "I just want you all to know that my partner and I are going through a separation. It is not an ideal situation for me, and if I am moody or somewhat unapproachable, please understand this might be why." This was about two weeks ago, a week before the infidelity discovery was made. At the time you thought, "I appreciate my manager for being upfront about this. Now I can understand if my manager is slightly difficult and can handle him or her appropriately".

This week however, leading up to the meeting that you're currently sitting in, your manager has been unloading negative and derogatory statements about their partner around the office to most of the subordinates and now, it is the gossip of the office. In fact, in this meeting while the same manager is presenting result and new targets, you can hear the whispers and jokes going around the room. What your manager did was paint a picture that their partner was toxic, unloving and just a bad fit for their relationship, but never once mentioned their part that was played in the separation. The manager at this stage is also not aware that the office is aware of the social media posts circulating amongst the employees presenting the evidence and it is quite clear who is to blame.

In this scenario, ask yourself, do you respect this person as a leader? Do you find this behaviour appropriate, discussing this matter amongst subordinates? Imagine having your own problems, and the person in charge of directing and moving the team forward unloads a whole list of new problems on yourself and the whole team, and on top of that is presenting toxic and destructive behaviour. How would this make you feel? Is this someone you feel is leading by example? Is this someone you want to follow? I would imagine for most of us (I would hope) the answers are no.

The fake scenario I presented may seem far fetched and perhaps a bit extreme but in the, what used to be a few but now is actually many cases I have come across it is appearing to be quite a normal scenario. This line is blurred between friendship and professional acquaintance and moreover, the line between superior and subordinate seems to be too easy to cross or step over when it is convenient to do so.

This manager in this scenario has directly created the negative predicament in which he or she now finds themselves, yet paints the picture that he or she is the victim in this situation. "Victim mentality". I guarantee this same type of manager will not support or back you when you're in a corner or need their help, certainly not if it means they might themselves land up in hot water. This same type of manager will discuss your confidential and personal problems you might have expressed in confidence to gain favour with others or to deflect the spotlight from themselves. The lack of accountability and responsibility will resonate in the lack of integrity and quality of character.

Please, if you're in a position of leadership, I implore you to seek the help or counsel you need. I am not saying bottle it up and carry it around as a burden all your life and on principle of being in a position of leadership to think you aren't supposed to be weak and discuss these things. This is not what I am saying and it isn't the purpose of this article. If you would expect your employees or subordinates to get help in these situations, you are not exempt and the same applies to you as both a right and a responsibility. This is hard on us if we're very self critical by nature or feel that we're not enough naturally, because it will speak to us as if we're weak, not worthy, perhaps even broken or undeserving. I assure you, once that first step is taken, you will see it isn't the case.

In closing of this write-up I am saying and hopeful that I have done my point justice, and that it is not for your employees or the team you're leading to carry your personal problems with or for you, and even more so if they're self inflicted. Take on the responsibility and accountability for your actions and keep your personal problems just that, personal.

You are in a position of leadership to, well, lead by example, set the tone and the tempo, be the pillar of strength and drive the team forward. You're essentially trying to get the best versions of everyone to be present on the day with the goal of success and prosperity. How would you expect to get the best out of everyone if you're unable to give everyone the best version of yourself?

Feeding your personal problems into the mix sets a platform that allows counterintuitive behaviour and will inadvertently create the settings for a toxic environment and poor working culture whether you intend to or not. Once toxic roots take hold (and victim mentality from a position of leadership is just one example of many) it is extremely hard to weed the roots out, and the toxicity spreads and multiplies rapidly.