Victim of Broken Mental Health System

“To be an activist is to speak. To be an advocate is to listen. Society can't move forward without both.” – Eva Marie

My name is Tracie M. Oldham, and I tell my story of being a victim of a "Defective?Mental Health System" gone awry and how, despite all the difficulties I encountered, I managed to survive multiple suicide attempts, evolve, and ultimately become a Lived Experience Advocate pushing for change.

By talking about my traumatic life and how I overcame adversity I hope to increase awareness, reduce stigma, and encourage people to find strength by talking openly and freely about their own mental health issues.

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After my mother left me out of anger, I was taken in by my cruel foster parents. From the moment of my birth until I was sixteen years old, I endured the most heinous and terrible acts of unfathomable physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. At the age of seven, I went from being?was sexually assaulted and then raped daily, sometime more.

At the age of 13, I went suffered a mental breakdown?as a result of the horrific abuse I had endured for so long. I desperately tried to escape my abusers by running away?from home, but the police caught up with me and took me back, despite my pleas to them not to take me back and my detailed account of what they were doing to me in graphic detail.

I had learnt very young that the only way I could to dull the constant memories of growing up with sadistic childhood sexual / physical & mental abuse was to mix antidepressants in with my alcohol, but that didn’t always work sometimes the pain was too much to bear, so I would try to end the pain.

My journey of self-destruction began at sixteen when I ran away and never looked back. Countless years of constant Abuse had an adverse effect on my mental health which finally took its toll. Suffering with severe depression my first suicide attempt was at 16 years old. I was homeless, extremely suicidal, and eventually became reliant on alcohol and antidepressants.

By 18 years old nothing had improved, I was so depressed that I overdosed on antidepressants. I the hospital pumped my?stomach, interestingly,?no one asked me about my mental state and what drove me to attempt suicide. Just, Revive and Discharge. Instead, I was released without being given any recommendations for additional support.

Life continued to get worse, and at the age of 22, following yet another failed attempt at suicide, I was told to check myself into a rehab clinic or risk being forced to enter into a mental health hospital for my own safety. And it was here, as a patient in a drug and alcohol treatment centre, that I was to experience my first encounter with the mental health system.

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The majority of the patients at Moreland Hall were heroin addicts; just a small number of us used alcohol or antidepressants, or both in my case; so, they didn't really focus on us. Instead, they gave me a lot of drugs to keep me in a stupor then after three months. I was released without ever having my problems addressed.

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At the age of 26, while out at a pub with friends, my drink was spiked. I was drugged, repeatedly raped, and held captive at gunpoint when I woke in a stranger's room. At the time, my father was suffering from terminal cancer, and he was in and out of the hospital until he passed away, so I didn't have time to process what had happened to me.

The following few years weren't kind to me; what should have been the happiest?time of my life ended up being?a soul-crushing, lonely marriage to an?emotionally absent man who left me to raise my three children because he would rather be anywhere else except at home with his family.

In 2009, my miserable life finally caught up with me. My spouse left me and my three kids because he was tired of my being stuck with a disabled woman who dragged him down.??Eventually, he moved back in with us, but he made it clear he didn't want to be there.

When the financial strain grew unbearable due to his failure to pay the bills, I made another attempt at suicide. They didn't think I would survive, but I did. Much to my husband's dismay, I defied the odds; I was revived and survived.

I was admitted to an acute psychiatric unit, where the cold and de-sensitised staff never once?asked me what had led me to commit suicide; instead, they just gave me mind-numbing medication, which made me feel worse.

When I met with the psychiatrist for the first time, my husband was there, and instead of questioning me about my medical history, he directed his questions to my husband, who had very little knowledge of my past or medical background. My frustration grew as I realised that the information my husband was providing was either incorrect or outright lies.

It goes without saying that the fact that I dared to defend myself by attempting to correct the misinformation was interpreted as hostile, so the psychiatrist based his diagnosis solely on the information provided by my husband and disregarded anything I had to say as mere rantings of a mad woman.

?I was mentally drained and requested to No Visitors, but my wishes were ignored by the staff, who allowed people to come in knowing they were berating me for being selfish. One visitor screamed and demoralised me so badly for being a coward that after she left, I went into the bathroom and tried to hang myself because she made me feel so ashamed.

?Despite my extreme suicidal thoughts, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and C- PTSD. I was discharged?the following day with a bag full of mind numbing medication and told to follow up with outpatients. Like the rehab, none of my issues were addressed.

I attempted to clarify that, despite his claims to be my carer, my husband was unreliable and rarely came home. I would keep calling, attempting to inform them that he was unable to get me to the appointment, but they would not listen and kicked me off the programme. I tried to explain that my spouse was unpredictable and rarely came home, even though he claimed to be my carer. Every time he let me down, I would call and, try?to explain to them that I couldn't make it to the appointment because my husband was a no-show, but they wouldn’t believe me because my husband had already rung them, telling them he tried his best to encourage me to go to the appointment, but I refused too. ?I tried to explain that he was lying, but they wouldn't listen and removed me from the programme.

I have experienced constant disappointment from the government and the mental health system, so I don't find it shocking when I receive poor treatment. I could have given the doctors a lifetime's worth of medical and psychiatric records, which would have helped them better understand my mental health issues, had the psychiatrist asked me directly, or at least looked through my medical records, rather than relying solely on the words of my resentful and spiteful?husband.

It is imperative that patients receive treatment based on verified, cross-referenced data from multiple fields of expertise rather than only unqualified?hearsay. If only I had received competent therapy, I might not have had to go through years of unnecessary suffering.

?Two dysfunctional systems in my life—a dysfunctional mental health system as an adult and a dysfunctional welfare system as a child—have consistently let me down. I am permanently traumatised and will never be able to rebuild my life or find inner peace as a result of both of their incompetence and negligence.

The mental health system needs to spend more money re-educating archaic psychiatrists on how to treat someone with mental illness as a person, not as an illness.??Creating a culture of respect requires action on many fronts. Leaders set the tone by modelling respectful conduct in their words, by their actions, and in the way they interact with each member of the team. The manner in which leaders treat people will have an impact on the way they treat each other and patients. This applies to all levels of leadership.

Treat your clinical staff with the same respect you want them to treat patients. - We are all responsible for making our health care settings ones that demonstrate the highest level of respect, collegiality, and professionalism at all levels. This requires having zero tolerance for inappropriate behaviour and being accountable to one another. Treating people the way we would want to be treated is a strong competitive advantage and the right thing to do.

?I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had been treated with more respect and understanding. But, sadly, it’s too late now; the damage is done.

All I can do is try to encourage change so that future mental health professionals will treat everyone with empathy and we stop classifying people as having mental "disorders" or "illnesses," which, in my opinion, is just another way of saying that there is something seriously wrong with these people and that they are not deserving of any respect.