VICEs

For the purpose of this blog, a vice is defined as a weakness of character or behavior; a bad habit. We all have our vices. For me, I’m an idealist where I easily pick out the flaws in a situation, and often too quickly come to a conclusion that the effort to overcome those flaws is insurmountable.  I have left organizations for greener pastures without really diving into the sometimes dirty bowls. In each case, I lost out on the opportunity to learn how to deal with some very difficult issues because I thought the grass was greener on the other side. It took me a few jobs to realize that although each place I hopped away from had some deep rooted issues, I too had my own vice, and by leaving had missed out on an opportunity to change. And because I had not learned to work through my vice, I seemed to run into the same barriers at each new venture. It wasn’t until I worked through my own idealistic approach to see that although admirable, idealism without pragmatism, stays a dream and rarely turns into achievable results. “Letting go of the rope” and accepting dysfunction is necessary for achieving incremental, consistent change. It’s easy to point out the flaws in people and organizations. It’s very hard to change those flaws into positives. And the journey of change is often slow, sporadic and incremental. 

I have witness many people in various roles move from one situation to another without truly analyzing their accountability in the change. All too often, we seek blame from external factors that created the situation that encouraged or required us to make a change. Unless we change something in ourselves, the odds of us being in the same situation in the future are very high. I thought this was interesting: 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/06/second-third-marriages-divorce-rate_n_1324496.html) 

Something similar happens with many of us as we try to grow professionally, often into roles requiring more responsibility and different skills. There comes a point where we aren’t moving “up.” This may be by choice because we are content with other aspects of our lives in which case we are making a conscious decision to keep the status quo. This is different than the person who moves into a senior role, but then plateau’s and wonders after years of being in essentially the same role (either at their current organization or at multiple organizations) why he or she hasn’t really broken into a director, C level role or higher responsibility role. All too often, it’s the same vice, just applied differently in a different context that is holding the person back. Although external factors have played a significant role, it’s usually an “and” not an “or.” It’s the external factors AND the internal vice that has created the barrier. Addressing one without the other often leads to environmental changes with similar results. 

It may be ego, passivity (an inability to be assertive), not enough self-confidence, not enough humility, a need for more self-awareness, a need to communicate more effectively, a need for control, an unrealistic view of self-worth, an inability to develop deep relationships, a perfectionist, a disconnect between beliefs and behavior and the list goes on. More often than not, it’s some combination of things, and perhaps in a different context, was a strength. 

The first step in dealing with our vice is awareness. Seems simple, because it is. However, although the concept is simple, the ability to have real awareness is very challenging. Admitting that something in ourselves requires change means admitting we have flaws and that we are at least partially accountable for our circumstances. Next is making a commitment to change. Again, simple concept, but behaviorally hard. Couple this with realizing your vice could have been a strength in the past. The perfectionist has likely been rewarded and promoted because of her ability towards perfection. The ego driven sales executive has been rewarded for his driving results. However, asking the perfectionist to be creative or asking the ego driven sale executive to be collaborative can be very challenging to say the least. But senior roles often require a level of both creativity and collaboration. 

So, once we admit our vice, make a commitment to change, we then need tactics to change. As with learning anything new, we will need to put ourselves into uncomfortable and vulnerable positions. Learning to walk requires vulnerability and a lot of "uncomfortableness." As does learning a new language, learning a new sport, learning anything new. We often shy away when we are uncomfortable and by doing so we impede our ability to learn. Adults are often masters of rationalizing why they cannot do something…when in fact at the core we are uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. If you are the perfectionist, and you want to let go of your perfection, you know you are on the right track if you are feeling uncomfortable. 

Each of us have our own journey and therefore I cannot give you the 10 steps to overcoming your vice. I can say confidentially that we each have our vice, and if not dealt with effectively it will be the one thing within our control that prevents us from obtaining our dreams. Awareness + commitment + behavioral tactics provides an initial and very general framework for overcoming our vices. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of the concepts, because the work needed to make sustainable changes will be very hard, will take time, and at the end of the day, will be more about the journey than any final event.