Viahcleeebs

Wondering. In case you are wondering what the heading means, I assure you that viahcleeebs is not even a word. You won’t find it anywhere [to the best of my knowledge], though you can hum it to yourself. Try it!

So then what is it, what does it signify and why did I use it as the title to this write-up?

Let us step back and away from it for a moment and ask ourselves who are we at this present moment. You will discover that as you attempt to answer the question two realisations may have dawned upon you:

1.     What you are or who are at this moment is not a function of single thing, but emerges from a diverse multitude of causal factors – our present is an emergent phenomena

2.     Who you are right now is different from who you were when you first read the question above – something in you has changed, a thought, a feeling, a general state of the mind or even something more material as the air in your lungs, perhaps your posture, the number of neurons that fired then and are firing now, the neural pathways that are active now, even the condition of some of the 50 trillion cells that make up your physical body [some may have died, others are emerging]. You have changed in this brief moment.

Having sufficiently stopped you in your tracks, let us proceed further with our enquiry then.

A few years ago, I got into what is called “Coaching” which is something that most of us do even without the label of being a “Coach” or knowing the process to be “Coaching”. Technically it is not a profession then – more a personal journey of meaning and purpose. Of discovery. Of questions. And answers. A realisation perhaps that there is more to life than just being born, going to school, going to college, having friends, having relationships, getting a job, buying a house, growing the bank balance [or blowing it up], starting one’s own family [or not] etc. What is that “more” is very hard to define, but what appears to be “not enough” is more easily identifiable.

It has been nearly 5 years now since I started walking on this road. Sometimes excited, sometimes just gritting my teeth and carrying on despite doubts and hindrances, sometimes fulfilling, phases of solitude, phases of deep connections with others, a realisation that the connections are not attachments yet there is no apathy if you know what I mean……I was changing each moment. Not growing, not regressing, just changing. If I said that I understand this change, or its direction, then obviously like how Feynman famously quipped on Quantum Mechanics, I really don’t understand it.

As time went by, the number of people I worked with increased and the range of challenges that people brought to the sessions became a rich kaleidoscope of the human condition. With the onset of SARS COVID-19, the mix of clients started skewing more towards those with behavioural challenges that impact mental health [it is bi-directional, this relationship].

The mnemonic VIAHCLEEEBS. “In the beginning nothing comes, in the middle nothing stays, in the end nothing goes” [Jetsun Milarepa]. The process of self-generated, self-motivated, goal-oriented behaviour change is best captured in these words by a 12th century yogi and poet. And every single client I worked with and currently am working with is there for one and only one reason – a self-generated and self-motivated behavioural tweak. I use the term behaviour to include the internal states that are not usually visible outside [emotions, thoughts, schemas, memories, propensities, fears, beliefs, even internal biology and neurology]. These manifest in some form externally but working on the externals is meaningless – hence the need to work on the internals.

It is at this point I go back to VIAHCLEEEBS. Which is the entire inner toolkit that is available to each client for enquiry [with the support of a Coach and/or a Therapist] and the subsequent self-driven transformation.

Who we are, what we are feeling , how deeply we are feeling it, what are we running towards, what are we running away from, what makes us freeze, what makes us livid and mindless, what soothes us, how do we make others freeze, livid or calm…..almost every such question goes back to 13 specific attributes [13 being an unlucky number is just exotic nonsense!!! My Belief!!]:

V – Values

I – Interests & ability for honest and clear Insight

A – Assumptions [including prejudices, generalisations and stereotypes]

H – Habits [including emotional habits and patterns of selective memory retrieval or suppression]

C – Culture [past and present] & Concentration

L – Linguistics [external as well as the internal chatter]

E – Environment [current mostly]

E – Experience [all experiences up to THIS point, including those in the pre-conscious/ unconscious]

E – Epigenetics [this dovetails into “Nature” and early “Nurture” and includes ongoing Neuroplasticity]

B – Beliefs [empowering as well as limiting, including those which we hold as no longer true]

S – Self-efficacy [internal locus of control and inner motivation/drive, will, volition, growth mindset]

Every single known form of psychotherapy uses or explores some or all of these attributes – be it CBT, REBT, Decentering, MBCT, DBT, Psychodynamic, Family Constellation, Interpersonal, Transpersonal, Humanistic, Dream analysis, ACT, EI, NLP, Desensitisation, Re-framing, EMDR etc. If I were to subsume therapy within the broader umbrella of Coaching, including Leadership/Executive/ Life Coaching, I find the above proposition to be equally valid.

No matter what our current challenges, the answers that will help us move forward, help us make the necessary modifications, help us add/modify/delete something will lie somewhere on the VIAHCLEEEBS spectrum. Till date, I have not found a single client whose journey of personal transformation involved any attribute or aspect beyond those enumerated and stated above. Neither do I know a single client who could change “a behaviour” by simply attempting to change “the behaviour”.

All change happened when the client (1) recognized the underlying attribute/variable with some support from my line of gentle questioning or conversations that seamlessly spiralled into and collapsed into the focal point, (2) accepted it, (3) investigated into it in terms of how it is linked to a current trait and then (4) set about working on it.

There is no magic pill. Personal transformation is hard work and it involves a process, a structure [however loose] , commitment, support, encouragement and the presence of someone who can walk with you on the journey with kindness, compassion, good intentions and love. And most importantly, someone who is fully present with you.