A Veterans Inspiring Story: "I was making a living, not living a life"

By Philip Ayles, MPA - Military Speaker, Partner in Preparedness, International Coordination, and Government Liaison

It wasn’t until I retired that I began to recognize I have lived the first 38 yrs. of my life in hyper-drive. I ended up forcing myself to retire from the Game of Throne’s style of the Military and Government. My mind doesn’t work like most people. Every man for himself type of lifestyle is my normal. Imagine living a life with limited opportunity and no real direction. A father, who was a narcissistic egotistical racist homophobe, taught my brothers and me, “You Take What You Can Get”. The Hustler mindset drove his “Get Rich Quick” schemes he could use us to peddle his ideas. I learned to realize that he was a product of his environment. He could not teach something he didn’t know himself. This led to my brothers and me making a pact when we were still young, that we would break the cycle for our family. Breaking the cycle was something I took to heart from that moment on. Regardless of the outcome, it had to be better than that…  

My early years were rough, I was mad at that world for bringing me here. My mother had so many issues of her own, combined with the problems of my father, resulted in a toxic environment. She felt her only option was to allow us to be raised by my father. Even with his all his transgressions, I knew there was a heart under all his armor. He made sure that we understood not to follow in his footsteps. This is the main reason why I could not stand hypocrites. The whole eighties and nineties were filled with one sex scandal after another. (There are current celebrities riding the “Accidental Release” of a sex tape.) 

What my father did was teach us to survive. To adapt. To overcome. I either had to prove myself right or you wrong. Black and White. Good vs Evil. The timeless tradition of doing something because it is the right thing to do. Basic human decency was taught in my inner-city school system. In 1982 my father bought a single-family home in the Northwest part of Dayton, Ohio. It is hard to grow-up in a red-neck environment and the semi-ghetto environment. I was always the minority growing up in most my interactions. I never saw privilege of being a poor white kid in a lower middle-class culture. 

I have come to understand through my experience; Dr. Martin Luther King had a point with finding solutions through Peace, Love and Understanding. Violence should never be considered if you want people to listen to your message. As soon as anger gets involved, the chaos is released. Negotiation, Diplomacy, and Understanding to do the right thing gets lost. People get lost and nothing is achieved for anyone. Spending my whole life doing (what I thought) the right thing has caused the gamut of ups and downs.  

Fast forward to me joining the military as an out-of-control 17 year old with no purpose, direction, nor motivation for anything. I could only read slowly; my mind would always run faster than my mouth could ever produce the words. I read very little and never knew how to plan anything. It was a life of trial and error style of learning for me. My mouth has always gotten me into trouble. I didn’t know how to shut my mouth when I needed to. I always thought WHAT? It is true thought process to justify my means. I think I was able to get away with most of it, was because it was true. Hence, no diplomacy skills were ever instilled into my thick skull. Right is Right and Wrong is Wrong. Right? 

No, I later discovered. I pissed people off and was very good at it. With your heart being in the right place, you might get in a little trouble, but you still did the right thing. Integrity gets lost in the gray area of life. When everything is up for interpretation by everyone, we have a problem. I spent my early years just trying to improve my situation for my family. 

Juggling multiple things was my answer to wanting to learn everything I don’t know. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do anything I wanted. Everything interests me in some form or another. Whether the muggle stuff I have been forced to do all the way to being free, I earned my life. My daughters were my driving force to accomplish all the crazy stuff I have in my lifetime. I made a promise to myself at that early age to break the cycle of the poor mindset. My intent was to do what I needed and learn as much as I could. I went from under qualified to extremely overqualified. In my head it is processing as from not knowing anything to knowing too much.

How does that happen? Can you imagine you are back to being unemployable and seeing everything disappear that you work so hard to achieve? It really didn’t matter what I thought was important; I came to a point where I lost it all… I had to make a choice: Either live; or wither away somewhere I dislike. I chose to live and rebuild myself better than I had before. I have started over in all the places I have been around the world. This was no different from anything I hadn’t done numerous times. 

I bought a Class-A RV and loaded it with everything I could. The rest was either given away or sold in one storage area for $100 to a thrift store lady that buys lots. I headed down the road not knowing what I was doing or where I was going.  

Here is what I know now. I don’t regret a thing I’ve done. Not heartache, a challenge, a deployment, or the struggle that has come after. These things have made me who I am today. I have a great appreciation for other countries and cultures. I have an understanding for strategy and operations. I have an admiration for elderly and our youth. I honor the fallen, the active duty, and the veterans. I stand for my flag, my country, and my anthem- without fail. I have dedicated most of my life to serving this country. Now I want to SEE it. From one ocean to the next and everything in between.  

About the Author:

Philip Ayles. MPA - Problem solver using innovation, analysis and leadership. Negotiating with the WIN-WIN outcome. Ability to understand, adapt and overcome challenges facing businesses in a modern society. Military Veteran with Top Secret/SCI and more than 27 years of proven ability in areas of management, force protection, intelligence, combat operations, emergency management, training, and law enforcement. Broad based knowledge and practical application of senior level leadership development, civil affairs, intelligence and problem solving in high-pressure situations.