Veteraning in America: How do you veteran?

June is a reflective time for me.  Not only is it the month my son was born, marking the start of a lifelong journey in parenting.  June is also the month I retired from the U.S. Navy two years ago and launched a lifelong journey in veteraning. From go, both journeys felt equally daunting and riddled with expectations in modern America.  Yet one has been notably less charted than the other.

Search Amazon for "parenting in America," and the earth's biggest bookstore offers more than 2,000 publications ready to ship.  Replace "parenting" with "veteraning," and the results make you feel 2,000 times more lost.  This first of a series of essays on Veteraning in America is my plea for that to change - a plea that starts by asking: How do you veteran?        

There is little doubt over what it is to be a veteran. Active duty military members are discharged one day and issued a new descriptive noun listed in Webster's just after "vetchworm." But from the moment I got the title, it felt incomplete.  It spoke to my 9125 days on active duty yet said nothing of how to wake up every next day and confront the experience and anticipation of life as a veteran. I really wanted veteran to be a verb, not a noun. So, I made it one.

I challenged myself to think past the idea of serving as a veteran and toward the idea of veteraning as a service.  I committed myself to explore the unique role veteraning can play in the security and prosperity of America. And with time, I came to embrace veteraning as a personal, inclusive, even expansive way to pursue post-military leadership and purpose.

Here’s how I veteran:

Veteraning for me is personal.

Among my family’s most prized possessions is a diary written by my great-great-grandfather, a Union soldier and Prisoner of War in the Civil War.  I inherited the book when I was twelve and remember the first time I read it.  As a kid, I was fascinated by his accounts of Antietam, the Peninsula Campaign, and Army camp life that filled most pages. As an adult, though, other pages became just as fascinating – segues to numbers representing his post war life as a businessman in Columbus, Ohio. These were the pages my grandmother could bring alive with stories about his family, friends, comrades and community.  

Veteraning for me is to veteran from them. I like to promote the people, the priorities and the pursuits of America's military professionals beyond their profession. I work to advance their service, successes and stories outside the wars they fought. And I look for ways to celebrate the people who know them better as heroes at home than heroes for the homeland.  

Veteraning for me is inclusive.

Raised by a career civil servant and public school teacher, I was never asked if I would serve America.  The only question was how.  Seeing one air show gave me the answer - I would be a pilot.  The decision led to my oath in the Navy, but from there to service alongside thousands of other patriots who had pursued other paths.  There were front line workers, first responders, diplomats, analysts, agents, appointees, contractors, spouses, and countless other stakeholders in the most diverse, distributed and dedicated national security team in the world.  

Veteraning for me is to veteran with them. I do what I can to honor all who have served our families and communities. I share where I can their reality that most are far less praised or compensated than I was or they should be. And I promote as best I can more inclusive approaches to national security strategy that they, and we, deserve.

Veteraning for me is expansive. 

I hear it almost daily: “Thank you for your service.”  To which I now try to respond, “Thank you for yours.”  On most occasions, it results in an awkward silence. On some occasions, it leads to a chat about how we have each enjoyed our place in U.S. history. On the best occasions, it becomes a freewheeling discourse on how we can contribute to an even better U.S. future.  

Veteraning for me is to veteran for them. I aim to talk less and listen more to my civilian peers. I try to judge less and appreciate more about my compatriots. And I hope to expect less and lead more within our United States.

I still have a lifelong way to go, but the journey gets more exciting by the day as I learn new ways to veteran.  More importantly, I have found I am not alone.  Veteraning is everywhere in America for those who take the time to look, think and ask: how do you veteran?

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Frank Goertner is a retired U.S. naval officer serving as Director for Military & Veteran Affairs at the University of Maryland's Robert H. Smith School of Business. He is also the founder of Maryland Smith's Initiative for Veteran Lifelong Leadership & owner of Posterum Consulting, LLC.  

Veteraning in America is a series of essays by Frank exploring the challenges and opportunities of veteran service in our United States. It is intended to prompt discourse as much as a reflection. Have something to share about veteraning? Please pass it along to: [email protected]