Veteran Transition: The Struggle is Real

Since retiring from the United States Army at the end of 2020, I have struggled to find myself. I am referring to the post-military, retired combat veteran, transitioned to civilian life working a corporate America job, me. I have traded the Army fatigues and dress blues for business casual attire and the occasional suit. The hair is cut the same, but I have grown a nice beard to compliment my less than complimentary face (don’t look as good without it anymore).?

Some changes are easier than others. While some require a great deal of work, it’s a constant struggle acclimating to being a civilian and no longer a Soldier. Though I have heard people say that “You can take me out of the Army, but you can’t take the Army out of me”, I never knew how true of a statement that would prove to be.

Thank you for your service…

During the heights of Operations Enduring and Iraqi Freedom, it was not uncommon to receive a lot of appreciation from humble and grateful people from all around the country. Those of us that wore the uniform during this tumultuous period were often greeted with praise and thanks, especially when traveling through airports in uniform, or out in the community, or supporting a local event that included military presence, displays and/or demonstrations.

And I am sure that those in uniform today still receive the same greetings from supportive and cheerful people. And rightfully so! Serving in our Nation’s military is not the easiest thing to do. Most, not all unfortunately, in my opinion, do it for love of country and the belief that they are providing for a safer Nation, whether during peacetime or while engaged in conflicts around the world.

Once you hang up that uniform and unlace those combat boots for the last time, with your DD-214 in hand and step out into the new reality of civilian life, a lot changes around you. Whether you served a full 20+ years and are now a recipient of a life-long pension, or you served your initial contract honorably and left the service, it is different. You are different. The world around you is different. The praise and applauds disappear when the uniform is taken off.

If, like me, you transitioned from the military straight in to your first post-military job, you may have found yourself struggling to fit in with your coworkers, or anyone else for that matter, that lack the same experiences you have from serving. Your very presence may speak “military” to those around you. The way you hold yourself. The way you speak. The way you act and react. The way you approach others. Some of this requires careful and mindful attention because you just may hurt some feelings along the way if you don’t adjust how you interact with those around you.

When I retired, I was a senior Non-Commissioned Office (NCO), “a leader of Soldiers.” I was often responsible for the welfare and training of upwards of 120+ men and women who volunteered to serve and proudly wear the uniform. It was my job to teach, coach, mentor and train them to fulfill the mission of the Army which is “to fight and win the Nation’s wars.” Part of that responsibility included positive and negative disciplinary actions.

Positive discipline could be in forms of, and not all inclusive, encouragement, praise, recognition, awards, promotion, etc. Negative discipline could be in forms of, also not all inclusive, reprimands, both written and verbal, physical (think exercises not violence), legal actions (Uniform Code of Military Justice) that could result in loss of rank, loss of pay, loss of time, restrictions, jail, etc. And as a senior leader, it was often my responsibility to either recommend and/or enforce these different forms of discipline.

It was not unusual as a senior NCO to get a little loud with a verbal reprimand, displaying the infamous knife hand to emphasize what you were saying. You finish with the discipline, establish a path forward to resolve or correct the problem, and you move out and execute the mission.

In the civilian world, they don’t take too kindly to being reprimanded the same way and especially not with a knife hand. For many, it is a new experience, and an uncomfortable one at that. It is intimidating. It is degrading. It is inappropriate. It is not a good look for yourself.

?It’s time to change and adapt…

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With a change of environment and pace, there comes a requirement to adapt to your new life as a civilian, especially if you are part of the workforce within corporate America. Your subordinates, peers, and leaders require and demand respect just like those in the military. Being tactful takes on an amended, not new, definition of having to treat all others with dignity and respect and careful choice of words. What may have been acceptable in the military may not be so on this side of the fence. It only takes one instance of “hurt feelings” to lead to a complaint to your Human Resources (HR) department or your manager or whoever to cause problems, to include termination of employment.

If you value your job and the paycheck that you are receiving to support yourself, and your family if applicable, you must adapt to your new role and the environment you are in. The days of saying what you wanted and how you wanted, along with choices of adjectives and explicative words, are of a past life. Skin is thin in corporate America, and those with it have HR on speed dial. Be mindful of how you treat others and the words you choose to spew out of your mouth. It is a different form of tactfulness, but still tact, nonetheless.?

I may not be the man I want to be…

Like I stated at the beginning, life has been a struggle in terms of finding myself within the world around me away from military service. The comradery is not the same. Bonds do not develop as easy as they did before. There is a lack of commonalities between others and me. I find it hard to break away from my introverted ways of living and getting to know others or trying new things. My job has had its ups and downs over the past few years regarding all the above.

But one common thing stands out among all of it, and that is me. I need to accept that things are different. That I am different. I cannot expect the same from this life as I did in the military. I am aware now that if I want positive change, it begins with me. I know I must be more proactive in adapting to my new environment. Adapting my approaches to others so that I am doing so with respect and treating them appropriately is a must. My words must remain receptive and not feel as if I am attacking, degrading, dehumanizing others around me. Bonds will develop over time through earning trust and appreciation from others. New commonalities will arise, and engagements will increase. And maybe my introversion will improve, and I will seek out others and new things to experience. Every day is a learning experience, and each new experience can enhance your way of living a happy and productive life, personally and professionally.

Joe Smiley is a retired Army combat veteran with a love for his nation which he spent over 20 years serving and protecting across the globe. This article is based on personal experience from his transition from the Army to working in corporate America and how he has had to overcome the struggle associated with change. Joe currently resides in Florida with his wife and five children.